TITLE: Adult
GENRE: Secret
It was a perfect night to bury a body.
The man in the slicker walked stooped over, his breathing labored and his body was soaked in sweat. The weight he carried, though not substantial, was awkwardly draped over one mammoth shoulder. The rain had shriveled to a heavy mist and the sky was beginning to lighten. It had rained all afternoon. At times soft, then drizzly—and at one time it was vicious, as it bombarded the trees and leaf-covered ground.
It was never easy carrying a lifeless body through the woods in the middle of the night, especially when the terrain was so uneven, but Bart was in superb shape at six-foot four and weighing a hefty two hundred and fifty pounds. A cocky confidence guided each of his steps and the Austrian nine-millimeter Glock he carried was certain security.
Twisting his ankle en-route was unexpected of course, but . . . . . . . . .
Miss Snark's First Victim
Thriller.
ReplyDeleteBecause thrillers start with dead bodies and guns. Not usually twisting ankles, though. Interesting.
Thriller
ReplyDeletebecause of the dead body he needs to bury.
Thriller
ReplyDeleteBurying a corpse.
Thriller
ReplyDeleteCorpses in the middle of rainy night in the forest
Mystery
ReplyDeleteThe dead body makes me think that there's a crime to be solved.
Could be fantasy or Sci-Fi if the body turns out not to be human.
ReplyDeleteThriller
ReplyDeleteI read just a few sentences in, could feel the chills creeping up me and stopped. I don't like thrillers, especially well written ones like this that pulls you into a nightmare. Good Job!
I'd probably lean more toward commercial fiction than thriller, but it would depend where the thing with the ankle goes.
ReplyDeleteNote that I read this a few times and am still a little confused. Is the stopped, sweating man supposed to be the same person who is strong and cocky? These don't seem like the same person.
Good luck!
Holly
Thriller.
ReplyDeleteA bit over-written in spots...I'd love it stripped down to the action (if we have the genre correct), and a little less about the rain. His actions of slipping/tripping to sprain the ankle in the mud would reveal more.
Thriller.
ReplyDeleteThe voice feels modern.
Thriller
ReplyDeleteDead body in the rain, and the Glock. Twisted ankle was a nice surprise.
Thriller -- from the dead body and gun.
ReplyDeleteThriller.
ReplyDeleteI think we're opening with the villain's viewpoint because there's a dead body and the apparent killer intends to hide the death.
Thriller.
ReplyDeleteI say thriller over, say, urban fantasy because of the somewhat omnipotent POV and the emphasis on the gun. Very nice balance of setting details w character description.
I can't tell. Mostly I was confused. Is the stooped man carrying the body the same person as Bart? The stooped man is almost described in a fantasy beast-like manner and Bart is described like a contemporary jock.
ReplyDeleteMystery
ReplyDeleteCrime to be solved and this scene provides clues for the reader to look for as they read.
Thriller would be my first guess. A bit confusing, though, since, "It was never easy carrying a lifeless body," almost makes the action seem routine, and like he's doing it for someone else, which is interesting. I'm picturing Bart as a hired gun.
ReplyDeleteI agree about the weather - you could probably just describe how it is in the moment (the heavy mist, which is lovely), rather than how it was earlier in the day. Also, you go from "perfect night" to "the sky was beginning to lighten," (suggesting brightness) to "in the middle of the night."
Thriller
ReplyDeleteI felt like I had read this before. The stereotype of the murderer in the wet slicker in the rain feels done before. But it did start to feel more original as it went on. The ankle twist was interesting.
Thriller. The first paragraph screams myatery with the dead body and the writing style/tone. Then the stooped guy becomes Bart who carries a Glock and the tone changes completely. I personally didn't like the drastic change in tone between paragraphs. I was totally into the mystery scene, but the description of Bart pulled me right out of this.
ReplyDeleteSuspense--which most people here seem to calling "thriller."
ReplyDeleteA little too many statistics at the start. You might as well introduce Bart's name in the previous paragraph,since holding off on that didn't add anything.
Mystery. Thriller would be my second guess.
ReplyDeleteThriller, I think.
ReplyDeleteConfused about the description. He's stooped but also tall and confidant? I might have missed something. :S
THRILLER
ReplyDeleteI'd move this text up to be the first paragraph, to give the current first paragraph more oomph: "The rain had shriveled to a heavy mist and the sky was beginning to lighten. It had rained all afternoon. At times soft, then drizzly—and at one time it was vicious, as it bombarded the trees and leaf-covered ground."
Also the copious ellipses at the end bothered me, but I assume those aren't actually in the manuscript :-)
Crime
ReplyDeleteWell, the body, duh. In the woods, even. Plenty of room for it to span other genres as well. Not sure about the shift from 'the man in the slicker' to Bart. Are we observing him from without or within?
Thriller.
ReplyDeleteBurying a dead body and packing.
Contemporary-Thriller.
ReplyDeleteThe only clue as to time was the nine-millimeter Glock.
Thriller.
ReplyDeleteBecause of the dead body. Found the differing descriptions of the man (or are there two?) and the sky lightening at night a bit confusing.
Thriller
ReplyDeleteThere's a body and someone's hiding it. Can't tell if Bart is the villain in this or if he's some kind of super spy who has to hide bodies of criminals he's had to dispatch...
CRIME/ DETECTIVE
ReplyDeleteSeems like some hardboiled detective is going to solve it. It seems like you could get rid of one of the paragraphs I'd they are both describing the same person - seems like too much
Thriller or crime fiction
ReplyDeleteBurying the body, the distant (perhaps villian?) POV, seems like a hired thug we're seeing set the scene for the Hero/Heroine to begin got solve the crime.
Thriller
ReplyDeleteThe Glock did it for me. The body had me thinking horror, but then you mentioned the Glock.
THRILLER
ReplyDeleteThe specific brand of gun makes me think present day, burying a body says thriller, and since we seem to be in the killer's p.o.v., I'm guessing this is a prologue.
Thriller and I'm guessing contemporary. The feel is good here, but why not name the MC right off? Throwing in Bart two paragraphs later made me think there was a second character around. Good luck, Sarah
ReplyDelete