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Tuesday, September 23, 2014

Logline Critique Round One #22

TITLE: BEYOND THE WILD
GENRE: YA Fantasy

When Syra saves the life of a human, she goes against everything she’s been taught—kill them or be killed—and questions if the war between her people, Natura, and Humankind is valid. Syra wants to befriend the humans and bridge the gap created by war, but if the humans find out what she is, they won’t hesitate to kill her.



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8 comments:

  1. AnonymousSeptember 23, 2014 at 11:50 AM

    I just love this. This comment is 100% unhelpful because I have no critique. All I can say is, _when can I read it?_ :)

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  2. GabbySeptember 23, 2014 at 12:34 PM

    I agree that this is pretty spot on. Your stakes are clear, and we're left knowing exactly what the book will be about. I have to say that I have no critique to offer as well, which is a good thing, right?

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  3. RebeccaSeptember 23, 2014 at 4:57 PM

    I agree this is great, but I couldn't help but ask what Syra is. If she saves a human, is she an animal? An alien? I guess maybe a quick word of what to imagine would heighten this logline.

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  4. Timothy GwynSeptember 23, 2014 at 6:11 PM

    I think you could leave out everything between "-kill" and "valid" and have a great logline. You could substitute "Natura" for "what she is" if you like, and then we'll be left WONDERING what she is.

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  5. Holly BodgerSeptember 23, 2014 at 7:30 PM

    This would be stronger if you told us why she saves the human in the first place. As written, it sounds like she wants to be friends with the humans because she saves one. Also, the goal needs to be a bit more tangible: "bridge the gap created by war" is a hard thing to identify in a novel.

    Good luck!
    Holly

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  6. AnonymousSeptember 23, 2014 at 10:14 PM

    Anything I would suggest has already been suggested. I just wanted to say this sounds fantastic!

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  7. Jennifer KaySeptember 23, 2014 at 11:10 PM

    You call her people Natura, but you don't really explain how they are any different than humans. That info might help me relate better to the main character.

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  8. UnknownSeptember 24, 2014 at 4:45 PM

    I'm curious to know a little more, something specific in order to hook me. For example, When Syra accidentally saves the life of a human... or When forest sprite Syra is unable to take the life of a human as she's been trained... That small extra bit of detail would help turn a good logline into a great one!

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