TITLE: BETWEEN REALITIES
GENRE: NA MAGICAL REALISM
I hadn’t seen what I tripped over. Or, what had sent an intense pulse of pure ecstasy through every cell in my body, stealing my breath away. Time seemed to stand still the moment my feet left the ground. I glided through the air gracefully with no worries or cares in the world. For that brief moment, it no longer mattered that I couldn’t remember anything about my life before a stranger carried me into the Solo Souls Group Home.
Miss Snark's First Victim
I think you may be starting in the wrong place. Maybe back up a little. Of course, we can tell it's magical realism, but there is no context to ground us in what is happening. Hang on to this nice little scene for later though. Maybe around page 5? ;) Good luck to you!
ReplyDeleteI agree with Anonymous above. There's not enough context to ground me in the story. And yes, I can tell it's magical realism based on the supernatural elements, so you're good on that front. I would also look to incorporate more of the MC's personality with wherever the story starts. Good luck!
ReplyDeleteThe first line doesn't connect to the 2nd, and the 2nd is very sexual and I don't know why. "Time seemed..." is a better hook and "I glided..." gives a sense of place but " no worries or cares in the world" sounds cliche. Instead, end that line with something specific to your MC. Last line is confusing-Is the stranger holding onto her as they fly? I thought she was flying alone. After reading "Solo Souls Home", I felt that this might be a better place to start- an interesting setting where we can discover how the MC is affected by it.
ReplyDeleteWrite On!
Solo Souls Group Home is an intriguing name. That sentence makes me me want to keep reading. What comes earlier is a little bit confusing because I don't yet feel grounded in a setting or know who this character is. Tripping over something is a sort of mundane, everyday experience that has nothing to do with magic, so to follow it up with such an intense second line is rather jarring. Then I wonder if perhaps this person is taking drugs because of gliding with no worries.
ReplyDeleteI agree with the comments above that I'm not set in the scene. I don't read YA magical realism, so take this with a huge grain of salt -- like giant kosher grains of salt on steroids -- but I have read LOTS of adult magical realism, so if the two are comparable, then a couple of observations: First, almost all the MR novels I've read don't have overt elements of MR in the opening. It's mostly tone that's getting set, along with setting and a bit of character. There's generally a literary dreaminess to the prose.
ReplyDeleteThe second thing is that I recently read that many agents believe that YA authors have labeled their genre MR when it's really Urban Fantasy. I'm not suggesting that's what's happening here, but thought I'd mention it. I *think* the distinction is whether there's magic at work in the world that everyone accepts as normal and that illuminates some particular human-condition moment (MR - a sudden rainstorm causes a river in a street that flows directly to the door of a woman who just lost her husband) vs a magical system that has rules that the hero has access to (the rainstorm is conjured or brought forth by some magical item). Anyway, this is me trying to tease out the difference, more than a commentary on your first sentences, so I just offer this up for anyone to expand on or shoot down. Good luck.
I have no sense of your MC here and there isn't any connection between the first two sentences - what does tripping have to do with ecstasy? I'm another vote for I think you're starting in the wrong spot.
ReplyDeleteOk. I need to know what she tripped over.
ReplyDeleteI think you did a good job of indicating that this story is magical realism, but I don't get a good idea of the setting of the story. Also, I'm a little bit confused about what's happening, so I think you should start at a spot where it's a little bit more clear what's going on.
ReplyDelete