TITLE: Spinning Notes
GENRE: MG Steampunk Fantasy
Wil inserted the brass key and turned it until the door lock clicked. He hesitated. Uncle Homer had never allowed him in the attic. But his uncle was gone and Aunt Edie barely stirred from her bed these days. He pocketed the key in his loose cotton trousers, pushed open the door and reached for the lantern.
Miss Snark's First Victim
Great "first five." Definitely a page turner and excellent writing, clear and concise.
ReplyDeleteLove the cadence of the sentences. Nice use of short and medium and long. I admit I don't really know what steampunk fantasy is, but I can see this as older MG. Reminds me a bit of Lemony Snicket.
ReplyDelete(Steampunk!!)
ReplyDeleteI think these first five sentences work really well, with just enough hints about the characters, the past, and what are his intentions and thoughts now. I'd definitely keep reading! Good luck!
Definitely feels MG... can't really tell whether it feels Steampunk yet. It doesn't not feel Steampunk. The setting is coming out; there's an historical feel with the use of the lantern and the brass key—so definitely not a contemporary story. You ended up on a good, tense note. I'm interested to see what's inside the attic and what his unlce has been hiding.
ReplyDeleteThis works for me as is. The details of the brass key, the lantern, the trousers and Homer as a name all set me up for steampunk and a mystery. I'm not getting fantasy yet, but I don't need to in the first 5. You reel me in with setting, good intro info about the MC and a hook. Best luck to you!
ReplyDeleteI really like the sensory choices you've used here, and all the small details work well to set the scene. I'm well grounded in where we are, and the voice seems appropriate for MG. My only complaint is that I feel it is too abrupt a beginning. I know we want to get right to the action, but I don't know your character well yet - except he is sneaky! - and I want to get to know him before we begin this journey. But overall it's very good.
ReplyDeleteI feel like I'm about to go on an adventure, which is spot on for middle-grade. Awesome job at setting up genre. One of my only suggestions is to add a bit more tension so you can make readers feel for Wil. Wil's doing something someone shouldn't. I want to be afraid of him getting caught.
ReplyDeleteBeautifully set up, this scene draws me in and makes me want to see what the lantern's light will illuminate...
ReplyDeleteKudos for including details which give me a great visual of the time period: brass key, lantern, loose cotton trousers.
I'd love to read on.... :)
Excellent beginning--you've really set the stage for steampunk. We definitely know this is set in the past by your great details. I would read on--I want to know what's in the attic!
ReplyDelete