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Wednesday, February 25, 2015

First Five Sentences #25

TITLE: Joanna Love's Stories
GENRE: literary fiction

“The window was my favourite place to sit on a Saturday morning. The glass swirled, a gentle vortex, with bubbles suspended like jewels. Big and small. Winding patterns, like anaesthetic.”

“Tell me again,” said Grace.

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12 comments:

  1. Christa MacDonaldFebruary 25, 2015 at 10:03 AM

    This comment has been removed by the author.

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  2. Christa MacDonaldFebruary 25, 2015 at 10:03 AM

    I think this matches with the genre nicely. And I'm there, by the window, but the imagery is a little hard to follow. I think you're almost there. What really tripped me up is 'winding patterns, like anesthetic." I get what you mean, but the way it's worded tripped me up. Literary fiction definitely gives you room to play with words, but these were too confusing.

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    1. Bev SpicerFebruary 25, 2015 at 11:01 AM

      Thank you for your comments, Christa. I shall digest them with a cup of tea and a marshmallow.

      Delete
    2. Bev SpicerFebruary 25, 2015 at 11:01 AM

      Thank you for your comments, Christa. I shall digest them with a cup of tea and a marshmallow.

      Delete
  3. hlbrixeyFebruary 25, 2015 at 11:32 AM

    It felt literary. The only thing that tripped me up was the quotation marks around the first paragraph. I don't know whether they were sitting by the window or someone was telling Grace about sitting by a window. If it's the latter, then I'm not sure I'm grounded since I can't see what's going on right now.

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    1. Bev SpicerFebruary 25, 2015 at 2:43 PM

      Thanks for the comments. We open with Joanna Love beginning one of her stories. They are in a psychiatric hospital. Grace is a psychiatrist.

      Delete
  4. Casey99February 25, 2015 at 1:24 PM

    It also felt literary to me as well. I wasn't clear on what was happening with the window but would love to be sitting by it.

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    1. Bev SpicerFebruary 25, 2015 at 2:45 PM

      Ha! Thanks, Casey - please refer to the above reply. Good to know that I'm hitting the genre.

      Delete
  5. GeeWizFebruary 25, 2015 at 2:30 PM

    Agree with above...nice for the genre...but not sure at all who is talking in the opening line??

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    1. Bev SpicerFebruary 25, 2015 at 2:48 PM

      Thanks, GW. Hope all is clear from the above replies. Difficult to build mystery in five sentences. But general consensus is VERY useful.

      Delete
  6. MalinbornMarch 5, 2015 at 5:14 PM

    I am belated here and for that I am sorry. I think it is a perfectly pleasant opening but it doesn't catch me so much as wanting to now look out my own window. It fits the genre fine but it doesn't engage me immediately

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  7. MalinbornMarch 5, 2015 at 5:14 PM

    I am belated here and for that I am sorry. I think it is a perfectly pleasant opening but it doesn't catch me so much as wanting to now look out my own window. It fits the genre fine but it doesn't engage me immediately

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