TITLE: OF NIGHT AND STONE
GENRE: YA FANTASY
Every stone in this damn castle looks the same. The walls practically crumble beneath my touch as I trip down the corridor, my dying phone a flicker against the darkness. Back home, the sun guided me, and even in the deepest parts of the woods, I never got lost.
There is no sunlight here.
Words carved in the stone whisper at the stroke of my fingertips, the hiss of forgotten history. I should have stayed in bed, waited for Dad, but a dim glow edging the stained glass woke me, and I couldn't get back to sleep. Because today is the day.
And I need it to be over, already.
My phone dips, its weak light dropping onto the small wooden box clutched in my other arm. Oval-shaped and carved into a blooming rose on top. Too light to believe there's anything in it at all.
"You're home, Momma," I whisper to the box.
After all this time… I'm here without her.
And I can't find a damn light switch.
I break into a trot, my legs wobbling like a newborn colt. Six hundred years of stagnant air catches in my throat, and cold sweat beads in the scar that slicks along my hairline, dripping like blood. Memories best kept locked away ooze into the shadows.
Blood and flame and nighttime sky. Her hand, so still.
No. Those memories don't belong here. I crossed an ocean to leave them behind, to lay her to rest. To help her find peace at last.
Miss Snark's First Victim
Wow this is powerful and so well written. I love the description of the castle. You do a good job adding the new (cell phone) to the old (a 600 year old castle.) I would read on.
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ReplyDeleteNicole LesperanceMarch 11, 2015 at 1:02 PM
ReplyDeleteYour writing is just gorgeous. I feel like I could lie down and just roll around in the words, ahem, I hope that doesn't sound totally weird. It's super atmospheric, and I love the juxtaposition of the ancient castle being lit by a cell phone. I stumbled a little over figuring out that her mother's ashes were in the box, but that could just be me needing more coffee. And I love the way you've left the ending just a little bit ominous, like maybe her mother isn't quite at rest right? Gives me shivers.
This certainly has my curiosity peaked and I would read on. I love that it start's in an old castle, and why her mother wants to be laid to rest there. Good luck.
ReplyDeleteThis is wonderful. Your writing is beautiful and evocative. In the first line alone, you set us up with a castle, suggesting a historical story, then instantly pull us into the modern day with mention of the phone. That's an amazing and effective trick. Well done. I definitely want to read more.
ReplyDeleteVery nice! I liked that you threw the cell phone in there. You have a great voice and I enjoyed the setting here. I am worried that her dad will be rightfully upset when he realizes that she's run off to do whatever she's going to do with her mother's ashes. Is that really her place? That wasn't really a critique because I'm sure it comes up later, but it was definitely a worry I was having for the characters as I was reading. Why wouldn't she wait for her dad to wake up before taking her mother's ashes???
ReplyDeleteI would definitely read more of this. I enjoy your writing and I'm intrigued by this castle with stale 600-yr-old air. Definitely curious to find out what happens next!