TITLE: Liars And Thieves
GENRE: Epic Fantasy
The supreme ruler of the Dominion transmits his power to everyday objects, including a sword which protects the life of its rightful bearer--the Lord Regent of Efrathah. When the sword is stolen, Josiah, second in command, accuses trade delegates from a neighboring country who have only recently arrived in the capital.
We're at the point of the story where Josiah persuades the Lord Regent to let him search their quarters and belongings. Eventually Josiah is going to be accused of stealing the sword himself and then thrown into the dungeon.
But when I started to write the scene showing the search . . . well, there wasn't enough conflict. He looks in room A. No sword. He looks in room B. No sword. I don't know how to infuse this part of the story with conflict. Ideas?
Miss Snark's First Victim
Have him find something in one of the rooms that forces the owner of the room to accuse Josiah and get him thrown into the dungeon. This could be something illegal, an indiscretion, a secret society/book/whatever fits in the world.
ReplyDeleteDoes Josiah have a secret, or something in his past he doesn't want people to know? Maybe during the search he could find something that would imply the trade delegates have something on him or are on to him in some way.
ReplyDeletePerhaps a romantic love interest could be involved?
ReplyDeleteI often find it better to black box moments which the reader can imagine without my help. At this point in an exciting read, I don't want to be bombarded with pages of details or thought-storms, I just want to know if he's found something or not. Maybe something along the lines of:
ReplyDelete"My hopes for easy proof diminished with the search of each room. There was nothing to be found save a collection of inscrutable garments, notes in a tongue I could not decipher, and a hidden collection of risque dragon-mags. If it was these merchants who stole the sword, they've hidden it too well for me to find."
Could he find something besides the sword that is also valuable and that he knows is stolen? Something that indicates the trade delegates are up to no good, even if they don't have the sword? Or could he plant evidence that gets them locked up and keeps them out of his way while he continue the investigation? Could getting them locked up raise the stakes for Josiah--because if he can't prove what they're guilty of it makes him look worse? (Sorry--that may not all make sense. Brainstorm, not masterpiece!)
ReplyDeleteMaybe find something else that is significant to the story. Or the conflict of someone that is with him blaming him. What is the cost of not finding the sword and what is its importance.
ReplyDeleteI'm guessing that with the sword stolen, the Lord Regent's life is in danger. What if Josiah finds something that hints at an assassination plot? That adds conflict, and if he's arrested before he can tell the Lord Regent about it, it adds another layer of urgency (I must prove my innocence before the Lord Regent is killed).
ReplyDeleteYou could borrow a page from NCIS. Someone blocks the way to his room, although he is bound by honor to obey the command for it to be searched. He must be guilty, right? But after some intense questioning, he confesses he's having an illicit affair, and belongings of his lady love are in the room. He is either ruined for the affair or chastised for wasting their time.
ReplyDeleteWonderful suggestions! I'm making a list.
ReplyDeleteBethany, you're spot on. The Lord Regent's life is now in danger and Josiah will be locked up when he learns something about the actual plot--not devised by the trade delegations. I hadn't thought about him coming across evidence of the real plot during the search. Very interesting.
Really, these ideas have my mind back in gear. Thanks so much.
Well, someone could always object to their room being searched. Some people just don't take kindly to that sort of thing.
ReplyDeleteAnd/or one of the people being searched could be the first to make the accusation that Josiah is the one who stole the sword himself and he's just blaming them so no one looks at him. (Josiah could think this is ridiculous, but the people helping him search might think there could be something to the accusation.)
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ReplyDeleteWhat if he stumbles across someone else who's trying to find the sword in there? Maybe you could introduce a third party into the story? Or maybe it's one of the trade delegates...
ReplyDeleteNot sure if that fits into your story, but hopefully it was helpful!
What if he finds something that could cause a war? Witnesses something?
ReplyDeleteWhat if he's been accused already and is checking rooms while being hunted?
Not sure any of that helps, hope it does!
What other things could he find there? Little tidbits of the delegates lives, maybe secrets he's not supposed to know.... Think of them as human.
ReplyDeleteMaybe he's feeling elated as he searches, then more and more upset as he doesn't find the sword. He gets angry, breaks things.
Maybe he's also feeling a sense of doom because he knows this could blow back on himself. Or he loves the ruler and really wants to find that sword.