TITLE: Breathing in Darkness
GENRE: Adult Romantic Suspense
Snatched from her home, a self-absorbed scientist’s daughter learns from a conflicted kidnapper what’s really going on behind the closed doors of her father’s research lab and is forced to make some hard heart choices.
Miss Snark's First Victim
I know you're so limited with words in a logline, but I'd love to know more about the "hard heart choices" she has to make. That just feels too general for me. The rest of your logline hooked me and makes me want to know more, though!
ReplyDeleteThis is too focused on the character arc. What does this girl (please give us a name) actually want in this story and how does getting kidnapped either help her get it or stand in the way of it?
ReplyDeleteGood luck!
Holly
This is interesting but I would maybe define the hard choices, make it more dramatic.
ReplyDeleteThe conflict is a bit flat and I don't know what her goal is. I would think it would be to escape.
ReplyDeleteIs the romantic part of this that the girl falls in love with her kidnapper? Not sure where the romance genre plays out here. Why is the kidnapper conflicted? Just need a bit more focus on goals and stakes. Good luck!
ReplyDeleteFor me, this was reading perfectly until I hit the last part - "hard heart choices." It was a bit of a letdown in conflict after the kidnapping set up. I think there are two routes to go here - either tweak/expand the last bit as others mentioned above, or just cut it off after the word "lab". I would be intrigued enough to read just based on the premise of the kidnapping and a mysterious research lab conducting covert experiments!
ReplyDeleteTo me, this uses too many words and doesn't tell me much. 'Snatched from her home' could just be 'kidnapped.' Is she taken in the night? Tricked into a car? Forced away at knife point? Kidnapped by a disgruntled lab technician? Someone she recognizes? What does 'self-absorbed' add here? Does she hate her dad? Is she oblivious of his true activities? Lots of questions come to mind!
ReplyDelete