TITLE: GATEWITCH
GENRE: YA Science Fiction, Fantasy
When a teenage scrap-hunter from the slums wakes up from her own murder with godlike abilities, she must test her metal against a real god's cursed army, the militant government set on using her as a weapon -- and one seriously bitchy ex best friend.
Miss Snark's First Victim
The first part of the first sentence does a good job of inciting the story but then you end is without giving us a goal. What does she actually have to accomplish here? The other things are obstacles, not goals.
ReplyDeleteGood luck!
Holly
Thanks, Holly, woah, you're right! I will work it some more to include a goal. I wrote this with a migraine and I just checked some of my other versions of it before I settled on this one... the other ones have a goal, but don't have as much voice, and I think I got excited for the first part of it clicking and forgot the end structure. I will work to combine them. I am so glad you pointed that out before I started using this places, lol. Are we supposed to post updated versions of our loglines here or just use them next month?
ReplyDeleteSome people are doing so, but message or tweet me if you want me to look at it again as I don't always check back.
DeleteThis is so helpful--I know what you mean about forgetting the goal in pursuit of the voice! I would love to see the reworked loglines if that's allowed--I'm learning so much. Your story sounds intriguing--I think it's mettle, not metal? I was wondering what her need is?
ReplyDeleteLEAH, thanks for your comment. You're right, it should be mettle, I didn't realize. Thank you for that catch! I was doing some word play on her being a scrap-hunter. I think it will still work even if it's spelled mettle.
ReplyDeleteIt will totally still work!
DeleteOoo, also this sounds like straight up fantasy or contemporary fantasy. I don't see any sci-fi signs.
DeleteThank you don't hate me, I'm not sure what to do about that, but I'll take a stab at tying in a bigger a sci fi hint into the goal or consequences when I rework it. I had hoped it was clear from the scrap-hunter part because I don't really know of any straight up fantasies where there's that much metal laying around to be scavenged, but if it didn't read sci fi to you, that's a good note to keep in mind. It's a futuristic fantasy wherein magic and science collide and the science fiction element is super clear in the actual manuscript, as it is set in a very post apocalyptic, sci fi metropolis. Actually a huge theme in the book is magic vs technology, and how they can intermingle to be even more powerful. It's really 50-50 so I definitely want that to come across and I appreciate your comment so I can work to make that happen in a reworked version.
DeleteAwesome idea. I'd read it just for the shades of Mad Max. But since your heroine is already dead, what's at stake for her? Is she trying to get back with the living? Does the entire story take place in the world of the dead?
ReplyDelete