TITLE: Captivated
GENRE: YA fantasy
The Winner's Curse meets The Legend of Zelda. Sixteen year old princess Lottie considers herself rebellious, until she's kidnapped by an enemy king. She wants to escape, but soon develops positive feelings for him, until she can't decide whether she wants to kiss him, stab him, or both.
Miss Snark's First Victim
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ReplyDeleteI love the comps. The only thing I would change would be to add hyphens to "sixteen year old." Good luck!
ReplyDeleteThanks <.>
DeleteOoh this one has has me intrigued! Very concise and leaves enough out to make me want more.
ReplyDeleteThanks :D
DeleteI love the comps :) Very good and it also hints at humor. Love it. Well done!
ReplyDeleteThanks, was definitely trying to subtly hint toward humor, yay~
DeleteI'd love to see a synopsis and the first 50 pages.
ReplyDeleteOoh, will do!! Thanks!!
DeleteThis second sentence doesn't make sense. Are you trying to say that she wants to escape but when she develops feelings for the king, she's torn between kissing him and killing him? Aside from that, is there more to the story than just her trying to decide between these two things?
ReplyDeleteGood luck!
Holly
Yeah, that’s basically what I was going for, except by stab I just mean stab, not necessarily kill, lol. I guess there’s a bit more to it in terms of the relationship between the nations but I’m not sure how much is too much about that so I tried to keep it short. Thanks. :)
DeleteConsider adding a few words describing the enemy king. You hint she comes to like him. Enemy says a lot but give the wrong impression.
ReplyDeleteHmm, good point. I meant enemy as in their nations are enemies to begin with before the incident. The only way I can think of describing him without giving away too much is mysterious or eccentric... thanks for the feedback.
DeleteI'd be happy to see a query and the first 10 pages of this. Please follow our submission guidelines at the Andrea Brown Literary Agency website, where you will also find my email. In the subject line, write QUERY: AUTHORESS.
ReplyDeleteJennifer Rofé, Andrea Brown Literary Agency
Awesome, will do!! Thanks!!
DeleteHi, I really liked this pitch and also the comps! One thing had me confused though - what are the stakes for her staying with the enemy king versus escaping? Despite her feelings for him, is the king going to kill Lottie? Or, is her kingdom(?) in danger if she doesn't escape? Overall though, I was interested!
ReplyDeleteThanks. Hmm, it’s hard to describe what the stakes are... there is definitely a reason he kidnapped her, and what he planned to do with her, but I’m trying to keep that from being an easily guessable thing <.>
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