TITLE: OF WINGS
GENRE: YA Fantasy
17yo outcast Phoebe finds a note left by her dead mother: you are cursed. Now she must find truth of her past, even if it means running to an enemy race of winged people. Nothing stops her—until she discovers that she IS the enemy and has the power to win an upcoming war. Now she must choose which race to betray in order to save the other. EVEN THE DARKEST STARS x ACOTAR
Miss Snark's First Victim
I would suggest you change one of these sentences so there aren't 2 starting with "Now she must..." Aside from that, I think you need to be a little more specific about the goal. Finding the truth of her past doesn't really tell me anything. Does she want to find out why she's cursed or how she's cursed or how to get uncursed?
ReplyDeleteGood luck!
Holly
Why are the races enemies? Vaguely-defined racial tension isn't very gripping for a pitch. I know it's really hard to get compelling information across in a 50-word pitch, believe me.
ReplyDeleteEven with a few words, this needs to anchor the reader in the world. Is it magic? A note from my Mom saying I'm cursed carries a lot more weight if magic is involved. I am intrigued by choosing which race to betray in order to save the other. You might want to start with (and expand on) that. Also, even a few words to say where or why is an outcast would also draw in the reader. I want to relate, give me some facts to help connect with Phoebe.
ReplyDeleteThe connection is unclear between her being cursed, and then running to the enemy race. The note leads her to them? She thinks the enemy is related to her bc they are cursed, too? I can guess but it'd be great if it was clear.
ReplyDelete