TITLE: EVREN
GENRE: YA FANTASY
Evren- a young sea navigator- voyages to the impossibly hidden Sea Queen’s lair to obtain the antidote to an epidemic sweeping the kingdom. Hundreds of people will die if Evren and her handsome Captain can’t find the lair. The Sea Queen whispers death threats to Evren over the salty wind. Secrets and magic are surfacing from Evren’s past. Either she stays with her Captain she’s come to love, or runs before the Sea Queen tries to kill her.
Miss Snark's First Victim
I love this. The opening sentence was enough. I think you could jettison the "and her handsome captain," make it about he then mention the captain later or not at all. Swap the last sentence: Evern has two choices: finish her quest or turn and run from the Sea Queen before she kills her.
ReplyDeleteThank you so much :) That's a great suggestion.
DeleteYour first sentence is good and could be combined with the second one which says the same thing but adds the Captain. After that, it kinda falls apart for me. Where is she "staying"--on the boat or in the lair? And what do the secrets have to do with this? And where did her goal disappear to? If her goal is to save her kingdom with the antidote, then her choices are to a) do that or b) give up and run.
ReplyDeleteGood luck!
Holly
Overall, I like the adventurous vibe this gives me, and I think I need more specifics to be hooked. Secrets and magic is a bit too vague for me, so I don't really know what it is that makes Evren second guess her decision to go on the quest.
ReplyDeleteI love the first sentence, but then it becomes a little disjointed. I would pick one theme and stick to it - probably the adventure aspect because that really popped.
ReplyDeleteI'd love to read more. Please email your query + 3 chapters + synopsis to lauren@triadaus.com, and include "Birthday Blog Pitch" in the subj line. I look forward to reading!
ReplyDeleteThank you so much. I am going to finish my synopsis and send the materials along to you.
DeleteBest,
Loie
I'd be happy to see a query and the first 10 pages of this. Please follow our submission guidelines at the Andrea Brown Literary Agency website, where you will also find my email. In the subject line, write QUERY: AUTHORESS.
ReplyDeleteJennifer Rofé, Andrea Brown Literary Agency
Thank you so much! I just sent the requested materials along.
DeleteLoie