TITLE: Skyline
GENRE: YA Contemporary
Sammie's struggling to balance her brother's growing issues with her own life. Finally she allows herself to hang out with a girl named Jade. Soon Sammie realizes she likes Jade as more than a friend, but is the feeling mutual?
Then I feel a hand lifting my chin back up. Jade's way closer now, and I can see every eyelash surrounding those amazing green eyes. Her hair curls around her face, the black melting into the green like grass through fresh dirt.
Jade takes my hand. "Nice nail polish."
And then I really do know.
Jade leans closer, and I close my eyes.
My first thought is, I'm kissing a girl.
My second thought is, holy crap! I need to start kissing more girls!
My third thought is I should just keep kissing Jade, because there's no way anyone else could be better.
Our hands are still entwined. I tangle my other hand in her hair. She reaches around my waist, holding me tight, not like I'm planning on going anywhere.
For a glorious minute--hour? Day?--I forget about Riley, and Josh, and everything else. All I know is Jade's lips on mine, and how soft her hair is, and how warm she is pressed up against me. I can't see her, but I can feel every inch of her, and I want to stand like this forever and never have to worry.
But eventually, she breaks free, and I want to ask how she got so good at kissing. I want to ask if this means we're a couple now. I want to ask if we can do it again.
Miss Snark's First Victim
Nice imagery here. "Like grass through fresh dirt" is very peculiar; it makes me wonder if Sammie or Jade have some kind of affinity for gardening. Also, I chuckled at Sammie's thought progression through the kiss.
ReplyDeleteSome of the sentences are a little ramble-y, verging on run-ons. Just something to watch out for. Good luck!
I really enjoyed this. Curious as to what the issues are that Sammie is dealing with and why this is such a nice escape. Well done!
ReplyDeleteGreat job of getting inside Sammie's head. Makes me want to know more about her - who are Riley and Josh, and what are Sammie's issues with them. I like your narrative style - nice mix of long and short sentences.
ReplyDeleteThe language here is really evocative, and I love the romantic mood too.
ReplyDeleteOne critique I will offer is that first kisses are rarely perfect, so a small hint of clumsiness can actually make it more endearing or realistic. Overall, though, I wouldn't change much!