TITLE: Twenty-five Sundays
GENRE: MG Contemporary with Fantastical Elements
Twenty-Five Sundays is about twelve-year-old Ali whose father falls apart after her mother is deployed. As Ali takes responsibility for keeping her dad and her parents’ marriage intact, her memories come to life with a message that she must understand or lose everything she loves most.
Miss Snark's First Victim
Nice structure. My only suggestion is to use ALL CAPS on your book title, because I thought Twenty-Five Sundays was how many days our character has to accomplish something (which it might be and it's a great idea to put a ticking clock into your title and pitch, if that's what it is), but I didn't recognize it as the title of the book. Capitalizing it tells us.
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DeleteThis is a pitch, right? Usually given in person and not written? However use 'My novel, Etc.' The title pulled me out too
DeleteThis premise bothers me. She's twelve and it is MG. Her journey should not be taking responsibility for her dad and mom's relationship, but learning to release what she can not control. I think that is what you really mean? Don't withhold the true meaning as a cryptic unknown in a pitch. It's like withholding the final scene in a synopsis.
ReplyDeleteHeavy edit on the start here. Not sure it's helpful but maybe you'll see the difference of how to bring an agent or editor interest into your work...
Twelve-year-old Ali's father falls apart after her mother is deployed.
Then fix the remaining parts. Hang in there!
I agree about rewording the line about Ali taking responsibility for her parents, but I love the title for what it could mean and how it relates to Ali. I also like the line about the message and how it will impact the story and Ali. I'm not sure how she gets the message through her memories...it's a little vague, but I still like the premise of the importance of a message.
ReplyDeleteLove the premise of Mom being deployed and Dad being the parent who needs to adjust! As far as execution of the pitch, Meg is spot-on with the beginning: "Twelve-year-old Ali's father falls apart . . ."
ReplyDeleteAlso, I'd like more revelation as to the "fantastical elements" in the story. I didn't get the impression of anything fantastical from this pitch.
Best of luck.
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