TITLE: The Third Gift
GENRE: MG Fanstasy
Eleven-year-old Marisi gets more than she bargains for when she wishes for adventure instead of babysitting: her parents disappear in a storm and a witch takes over her home. To save herself, her home and her parents, she has to solve three impossible sounding riddles before sunrise. In order to do that she has to figure out how the island’s strange occurrences, and the baby sister she never wanted, are key to defeating the witch.
Miss Snark's First Victim
Fun! As an 80s kid, I'm immediately reminded of Labyrinth and Adventures in Babysitting. Not sure if that was intentional, but I like the vibe.
ReplyDeleteThe phrasing in the last two sentences is a little awkward. It's tricky to convey all the information needed, but see if you clean it up. Change "impossible sounding" to something more succinct like "inscrutable." Instead of "in order to do that" try a different construction like "This means that she must figure out..."
Good luck!
This looks like a fun story. There were just a couple things that threw me: first, when you say she wishes for adventure instead of babysitting. I didn't realize this was a magic thing. I was thinking this was just something she was wishing in her head, so the witch thing really threw me for a second. Then when you talk about the island's strange occurrences-- what island? Does she live on an island? Did she get taken to an island when everything else went down? It just left me a little confused.
ReplyDeleteI love sister stories! I don't have much to say, except that your sentences are a bit long and it would be easier to read if you had a mix of short and long sentences.
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