TITLE: Hoverboard Superheroes
GENRE: MG Science Fiction
Twelve year old Leonie Fox can make anything except friends. Her repair business doesn’t impress the other kids on her starship, but at least Leonie has her grandmother. Then Magda goes missing. Frighteningly alone, Leonie recruits allies—not friends—and starts hunting. But more people disappear, and social services are on Leonie’s tail. To save Magda and stop a deadly conspiracy, Leonie needs more than a trio of bickering boys at her side. She needs a family.
Leonie pressed her shoulders to the bulkhead, catching her breath as her eyes adjusted to the amber lights. They'd have trouble finding her in the salvage bay, where shadows hid her coveralls and deep brown skin.
Miss Snark's First Victim
YES - Loved the title, loved the premise, and loved the pitch.
ReplyDeleteYES: I love how there's an immediate sense of character through the pitch. Leonie sounds relatable! Good luck :)
ReplyDeleteYES. I'm a sucker for friendship stories, and Leonie sounds like a kick-butt protagonist. The first sentences aren't super grabbing, but they're crisp and have a sense of atmosphere and urgency. Nice job!
ReplyDeleteYES
ReplyDeleteThe pitch is concise and hooks you right away. The first lines start right in the middle of the action and make you want to read on. They also give a good sense of the setting.
YES. The pitch gives an immediate sense of the character's inner struggle which is key to hooking the reader. You made me care. Well done.
ReplyDeleteYES
ReplyDeleteThe pitch is well-written and so are the first two lines. We get a good feel of the character, and it sounds like it'll be a fun story.
YES, hell YES. Voice is in the query and the opening lines convey place, danger and character beautifully. Well done!
ReplyDeleteYES! I love this girl.
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