TITLE: Only Ever Friends
GENRE: Adult Romance
When Amie gets dumped just weeks before her wedding, she does what any rational, 22-year-old law student would do: pawns the ring and eats her weight in Ben and Jerry's. Returning to her childhood home to put the shards of her life back together, the last thing she wants is another relationship… especially with her former best friend, Jason.
Whoever said that money can't buy love was never given a diamond ring from Tiffany's.
Not that I needed it—I'd have been happy with a fifty-cent vending machine knock-off if Derek gave it to me on one knee and asked me to marry him.
Miss Snark's First Victim
NO - For me, the pitch is missing something that makes this story unique. I would pick out the thing that separates your story out from others.
ReplyDeleteYES. The plot's not super original, but I like the voice and the writing style. I'd read on and hope you do something with the more tired tropes.
ReplyDeleteYES
ReplyDeleteThe pitch is good though a little bland. Not sure I like the opening lines as they give two opposing views. Is she someone who can be bought? Is the only reason she wouldn't have cared what the diamond was is because Derek is loaded?
NO
ReplyDeleteThe pitch is not bad, but it doesn't grab me. I think perhaps it's not specific enough. The first line about her doing what any other rational ... person would do felt like it was building up to something really funny and unique, but then the result seemed like what most anyone would do. So if that's what she does, change the beginning of the sentence so there's not that feeling of build up. Or you could brainstorm something else she could do that would fit her character specifically. Since you mentioned her being a law student, it could be related to that. The first two lines felt contradictory to me as well.
NO. It's not that nothing is good, but neither does anything stand out. To make a story we've all seen before fly, it really has to sing.
ReplyDeleteYES: The pitch is missing stakes, but I like the opening lines. These questions might help with the pitch. What happens if Amie does get in a relationship with Jason? Is Amie her own worst enemy and needs to overcome this? Or is there something else preventing Amie from wanting this? For the opening lines, I like how you immediately show Amie's humility in the little things such as not caring about getting a fifty cent vending machine ring. Good luck :)
ReplyDelete