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Friday, December 18, 2009

Christmas Gift: Authoress Sings

Here it is! I felt a little, yanno, left out last week when you were all creating great holiday spoofs for Lauren. So I wrote one, and you get to listen.

I give you SNARK! THE HAGGARD AGENTS SING, sung by Authoress and Mr. A, produced by Mr. A (my hero):

(lyrics below, because you absolutely have to sing along...)






Snark! The Haggard Agents Sing
(Hark! The Herald Angels Sing)


Snark! The haggard agents sing,
"Email die, and phone, don't ring!
No more queries sent from hell,
No more stories I can't sell.

Give me eggnog, rum, and cookies,
Save me from these writing rookies,
I've rejected forty-four
thousand and six, and maybe more."

Snark! The haggard agents sing,
"Email die, and phone don't ring!"


"Contracts, royalties, and tears,
Fill the weeks and months and years.
Weary, now, I shut my door,
Screaming, as I go, 'NO MORE!'

Editors, I'm tired of waiting,
On my last nerve you've been grating.
Thanks to you, I soon will be
Paying for clients' therapy."

Snark! The haggard agents sing,
"Email die, and phone, don't ring!"


"Give me sand and surf and sun,
I'm in desperate need of fun.
Farewell partial, full, and ARC,
I have had my fill of snark.

Lock the door and turn the light off;
Can't remember my last night off.
Toss the books and pass the gin!
Let the holiday begin!"

Snark! The haggard agents sing,
"Email die, and phone, don't ring!"

29 comments:

  1. Hahaha that was awesome! And you sounded great :D Happy Holidays, Authoress (and the wonderful Mr. A)

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  2. This is fantastic! A totally awesome Christmas Gift!

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  3. *dies Laughing*
    I can see every blogging Lit Agent posting that up on their web site already!
    Happy Holidays!!

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  4. Oh, thank you, that was fabulous! Much better than chocolate! You two are so talented.

    Have a great holiday season, everyone!

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  5. Love it! I'm linking it from my blog.

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  6. This was great!

    I am very impressed Mr A sang along- I could never get my hubby to do that, especially if he knew I would post it.

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  7. < holds up lighter and flicks it until the fluid dries up > Oh, God, no, it's CELL PHONES now, isn't it. I'm so old. Great song!!!

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  8. My heart flip-flopped at your tweet! I read "Authoress SIGNS!" not Sings. Holy Moly. Wishing that for you, for all of us, in 2010.

    Happy New Year to you and Mr. A! You're so creative!

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  9. O.M.G! That was brilliance! (And I will have it chorusing through my brain the rest of the day.) The best to you and yours!

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  10. So much fun! You two are so talented. :-) Thanks for the present!

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  11. Simon Cowell just emailed me. He said to tell you he was moving you on to the next round. You're going to Hollywood, baby!

    That just made my whole day, week, month! Have a great holiday season and here's wishing us all agentry in the new year.

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  12. I'm glad you didn't enter the contest! ;-) You two sound great together. Check this out: http://www.youtube.com/caroling.

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  13. ROTFL

    Bravo! Encore! Encore!

    Thanks so much for this. You are both amazing. I can see this being played at all the agent holiday bashes from here on out. =D

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  14. I loved that! What a great song. You have a cute voice too. Is your husband a musician, Authoress?

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  15. Yes, he is. Best producer I know. We were both music majors.

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  16. Kristin -- Oh! I'm sorry for the heart flop. One day! One day!

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  17. Thank you - best gift I've gotten all day :) Lots of fun!!!

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  18. That was an awesome gift! Now that I've stopped laughing, I can do some more work. Maybe. If I can get the song out of my head. :D

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  19. You are great~ thanks for sharing. I really needed a bright spot today.

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  20. Snark! The Haggard Agents Sing was my favorite carol. Good job, Authoress and Mr. A!

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  21. Oh that was terrific! And I was just telling Hubby that no one is singing any new carols lately. :)

    Thanks for the smile!

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  22. TALENTED PEOPLE!!!

    Thanks for the laugh. Well done!!!

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  23. Ha ha ha ha ha ha

    I loved that. I finally clicked through and listened. Much better than the version in my head.

    Kudos

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  24. This song is amazing. I found it yesterday and haven't stopped listening to it except to sleep. It even made it's way to my itunes. If I'd get off my lazy rump and sync my ipod I don't think it'd ever get off repeat.

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