Christmas Gift: Authoress Sings

Here it is! I felt a little, yanno, left out last week when you were all creating great holiday spoofs for Lauren. So I wrote one, and you get to listen.

I give you SNARK! THE HAGGARD AGENTS SING, sung by Authoress and Mr. A, produced by Mr. A (my hero):

(lyrics below, because you absolutely have to sing along...)






Snark! The Haggard Agents Sing
(Hark! The Herald Angels Sing)


Snark! The haggard agents sing,
"Email die, and phone, don't ring!
No more queries sent from hell,
No more stories I can't sell.

Give me eggnog, rum, and cookies,
Save me from these writing rookies,
I've rejected forty-four
thousand and six, and maybe more."

Snark! The haggard agents sing,
"Email die, and phone don't ring!"


"Contracts, royalties, and tears,
Fill the weeks and months and years.
Weary, now, I shut my door,
Screaming, as I go, 'NO MORE!'

Editors, I'm tired of waiting,
On my last nerve you've been grating.
Thanks to you, I soon will be
Paying for clients' therapy."

Snark! The haggard agents sing,
"Email die, and phone, don't ring!"


"Give me sand and surf and sun,
I'm in desperate need of fun.
Farewell partial, full, and ARC,
I have had my fill of snark.

Lock the door and turn the light off;
Can't remember my last night off.
Toss the books and pass the gin!
Let the holiday begin!"

Snark! The haggard agents sing,
"Email die, and phone, don't ring!"