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Thursday, March 25, 2010

116 YA

TITLE: Haunted Cowboy Robots
GENRE: YA



I’d give my right toe—the little one—to visit my grandpa’s gold mine. I found toes for sale on eBay. I listed mine.

18 comments:

  1. Maybe hooked. I'd read a little further.

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  2. Partial hook -- this seems like one of those openings that's meant for shock value and won't necessarily live up to the promise.

    WV: podsize (as in toes)

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  3. I would keep reading, but I agree with anonymous. Needs revision so it isn't confusing.

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  4. I liked your beginning. The title? Hmmmm....maybe not so much.

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  5. I like it--it made me snicker!

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  6. Ha ha. I like it! (the title? maybe) :-)

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  7. Cute, if I liked the genre I'd definitely be hooked

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  8. It seems the sentences are out of order. What would happen if you put the second, then third, then first.
    Toes for sale on Ebay might be a quicker hook. Just a thought.

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  9. Sojourner, I agree. That would make this a lot more clever.

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  10. I also agree with Sojourner. I would read more.

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  11. Whoah! Yeah, okay. I'm curious. And while everyone else has good comments, I actually like the title. (grin)

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  12. Hooked, simply because it's so strange. And I like the varying sentence lengths.

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  13. LOL. It's bizarre and a little confusing, but the randomness of toes almost makes me hooked.

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  14. I'll read on, as much because of the title as the opening. People can list anything on ebay, at least until it gets taken down.

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  15. I agree with soujourner.

    There's a bit of a Eww factor, but I'd keep reading a little longer

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  16. Hooked! I liked the mention of the gold mine in the first sentence. It sets up the story as something a bit adventurous. I also liked that the MC upped the stakes by mentioning Ebay, indicating they were serious about the toe thing and not just being dramatic.

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