Pages

Thursday, March 25, 2010

56 YA Historical Fantasy

TITLE: Sophie and the Medallion of Time
GENRE: YA Historical Fantasy


The medallion felt cold and heavy in my hand, the chain dripping through my fingers like sand.

20 comments:

  1. I think I want some more grounding with Sophie--who is she and why should the reader care about the medallion, before the mysterious object is in her hand, obtained in some unknown way.

    But it is so hard to comment on 17 words. Maybe all this is coming next? IDK.

    Watch out for words like "felt"... somewhat generic and it makes for a passive tone instead of active voice--like things are happening to Sophie and she's merely there to experience it.

    Hope this helps.

    ReplyDelete
  2. The writing could use some beefing up, but it's not bad. Mostly I'm not getting a sense of anything new here.

    ReplyDelete
  3. I have 2 problems. One, the title and the first line both mention the medallion. Just don't like that. Two, sand doesn't drip.
    I'd read just a little further.

    ReplyDelete
  4. It does feel like a familiar premise. I would move on to another book.

    ReplyDelete
  5. I liked the imagery with the medallion's chain - I perfectly imagined it sliding through my fingers. Hooked.

    ReplyDelete
  6. I don't like the fact that it rhymes, and I agree that sand doesn't drip

    ReplyDelete
  7. I'm with Megalicious. Rhyming makes me cringe. And the sand metaphore also makes me blanche. So, I'm not hooked, but I do love the title...

    ReplyDelete
  8. I'd keep reading to see where it's going.

    ReplyDelete
  9. Not sure. It's sort of a quiet moment, although it does seem somewhat ominous.

    The sand line threw me too, and kind of took me out of it. I think partly because dripping is ongoing and so I had to stop and think did the medallion just get into her hand? How long is that chain that it's still running through her fingers? Etc. Plus the idea of sand dripping felt off to me. Maybe running, slipping, something like that would be better.

    ReplyDelete
  10. I like the vivid imagery, but the title throws me off somewhat. On the fence, here.

    ReplyDelete
  11. Not hooked, but I'd read more because I know the medallion is no ordinary medallion, and things will probably start happening.
    What those things were would determine if I kept reading or not.

    ReplyDelete
  12. Well, I never even noticed the rhyme! I would keep reading, because I love anything magical.

    ReplyDelete
  13. I'd keep reading to find out why she had the medallion.

    ReplyDelete
  14. The rhyme threw me into song mode. Not the strongest first line, but I'd read the remainder of the paragraph to see if it picks up or provides more info.

    ReplyDelete
  15. I thought the title was good, and I was hooked. However, I didn't like the rhyming in the first sentence.

    ReplyDelete
  16. Not hooked. I think it's because of the slightly off beat reference of chain/sand. For a second I thought the chain was falling apart and the links fell through her fingers.

    ReplyDelete
  17. I can't say I'm hooked, but I like the contrast of the cold, heavy medallion and the chain. I'd probably give it a little bit more.

    ReplyDelete