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Thursday, March 25, 2010

55 Horror

TITLE: The Thin Line Between
GENRE: Horror


The nightmares come every night, without fail.

In her bedroom, lying on a narrow slice of the king-sized bed, Dana Thomas is dreaming.
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20 comments:

  1. Kristi FaithMarch 25, 2010 at 10:00 AM

    Definitely looks like something I would read more of! Great job!

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  2. ClaraMarch 25, 2010 at 10:13 AM

    Interesting....I´d read on.

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  3. Jodi MeadowsMarch 25, 2010 at 10:26 AM

    Kind of hooked. The writing is nice.

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  4. MomwomanMarch 25, 2010 at 10:42 AM

    Not really hooked, and can't say why.

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  5. ClaireMarch 25, 2010 at 10:44 AM

    Not hooked. Think it's the present tense.

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  6. LaurieMarch 25, 2010 at 10:54 AM

    I'm hooked! Love the juxtaposition of narrow slice and king-sized bed.

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  7. Meghan S.March 25, 2010 at 11:02 AM

    doesn't grab me

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  8. fairchildMarch 25, 2010 at 11:09 AM

    Is this Omni? The voice feels distant and doesn't pull me in. I probably wouldn't read on.

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  9. KateeMarch 25, 2010 at 12:30 PM

    Mostly hooked. I'd definitely read more.

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  10. BradMarch 25, 2010 at 1:00 PM

    I like the opening, I would keep reading.

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  11. SophiaMarch 25, 2010 at 1:48 PM

    I think I could be hooked if the tense weren't in the way. I like the idea of: "The nightmares came every night, without fail." With the next sentence describing those nightmares and the person having them. But as is, not so hooked.

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  12. samsevernMarch 25, 2010 at 1:52 PM

    Sorry, but I'm not hooked. I agree with Sophia, the writing tense stopped me cold. Could hook me if I didn't have to stop to think about it though. ㋡

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  13. AmyspitzMarch 25, 2010 at 1:55 PM

    I think I'd give it a few more pages. I do like the whole "narrow slice" thing.

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  14. MHMarch 25, 2010 at 2:27 PM

    Hooked, but hoping something extremely creepy that isn't a nightmare comes up soon. Nice writing!

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  15. AnassaMarch 25, 2010 at 3:14 PM

    Hooked!

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  16. falconesseMarch 25, 2010 at 3:18 PM

    Hooked. I'll echo the concerns about the present tense for the story as a whole, but for some reason I'm used to dream sequences being in the present. I'm pretty sure there are a few in Stephen King's Under the Dome, thinking about something I've read recently and loved.

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  17. BarbaraMarch 25, 2010 at 4:31 PM

    Not hooked. I feel like you're going to go into the dream next, then she'll wake up, and the dream you got me hooked on will be gone, and then I'll have to start over and try to get hooked on her normal life.

    I don't mind seeing the dream, but I'd rather see her real world first.

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  18. AnonymousMarch 25, 2010 at 4:38 PM

    Hooked. For some reason the "narrow slice" of bed caught my attention--want to know where it goes.

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  19. Katharina GerlachMarch 26, 2010 at 4:12 AM

    Semi-hooked. I wonder if it is a good idea to start a story with someone dreaming though.

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  20. MercMarch 26, 2010 at 9:43 PM

    Not really hooked--nightmares in horror? It's so far not new enough to pull me in.

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