Pages

Thursday, March 25, 2010

63 Historical Fiction

TITLE: Prince of the West
GENRE: Historical Fiction

Iudila pounded on the door of the ship's hold. "Claudia. Anyone," he shouted, his voice shrill. His cries went unanswered.

13 comments:

  1. A ship's hold doesn't have a door. It may have a hatch. I don't think you've done your research.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Not really hooked. Seemingly random yelling just doesn't grab me like it used to.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Not hooked. Not enough context (I know, I know..it's only 25 words.)

    ReplyDelete
  4. I'm not hooked—yet. Perhaps if we get more of a hint of Iudila and why he is trapped? I know, that's tough to do in the first 25 words ...

    ReplyDelete
  5. Not hooked, sorry. I'd like to see heightened action and maybe get a feel for the experience. Then I'd be in.

    ReplyDelete
  6. I also am not hooked, but I would likely read a little further to be sure.

    I had the same issue with the door as the first commenter did. A cabin had a door, a hold has a hatch. I'm not sure what I'm seeing here.

    ReplyDelete
  7. Sorry, gonna have to say no. Doesn't really flow for me.

    ReplyDelete
  8. Not hooked. The name was a mouthful for me, the door should have been a hatch, and there's room to tell me why he's screaming in the first sentence.

    ReplyDelete
  9. Not hooked yet...Perhaps if the title gave me a little more it would help.

    ReplyDelete
  10. Not hooked. "The First Five Pages," by Noah Lukeman, offers great advice for starting a story. You'll find he'd like your character's names and the plot. Keep writing!

    ReplyDelete
  11. Not hooked. First I was thrown by the weird name (I thought he was a girl at first). I'd read some more to see where it's going though because it's really hard to grab the reader with a few words only.

    ReplyDelete
  12. Not my genre, and this didn't suck me in enough to give it a try.

    ReplyDelete