Not hooked. "The First Five Pages," by Noah Lukeman, offers great advice for starting a story. You'll find he'd like your character's names and the plot. Keep writing!
Not hooked. First I was thrown by the weird name (I thought he was a girl at first). I'd read some more to see where it's going though because it's really hard to grab the reader with a few words only.
A ship's hold doesn't have a door. It may have a hatch. I don't think you've done your research.
ReplyDeleteNot really hooked. Seemingly random yelling just doesn't grab me like it used to.
ReplyDeleteNot hooked. Not enough context (I know, I know..it's only 25 words.)
ReplyDeleteI'm not hooked—yet. Perhaps if we get more of a hint of Iudila and why he is trapped? I know, that's tough to do in the first 25 words ...
ReplyDeleteNot hooked, sorry. I'd like to see heightened action and maybe get a feel for the experience. Then I'd be in.
ReplyDeleteI also am not hooked, but I would likely read a little further to be sure.
ReplyDeleteI had the same issue with the door as the first commenter did. A cabin had a door, a hold has a hatch. I'm not sure what I'm seeing here.
Sorry, gonna have to say no. Doesn't really flow for me.
ReplyDeleteNot hooked. The name was a mouthful for me, the door should have been a hatch, and there's room to tell me why he's screaming in the first sentence.
ReplyDeleteNot hooked yet...Perhaps if the title gave me a little more it would help.
ReplyDeleteNot hooked. "The First Five Pages," by Noah Lukeman, offers great advice for starting a story. You'll find he'd like your character's names and the plot. Keep writing!
ReplyDeleteNot hooked. First I was thrown by the weird name (I thought he was a girl at first). I'd read some more to see where it's going though because it's really hard to grab the reader with a few words only.
ReplyDeleteNot hooked, sorry.
ReplyDeleteNot my genre, and this didn't suck me in enough to give it a try.
ReplyDelete