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Thursday, April 22, 2010

50 Words #1

TITLE: Not A Hero
GENRE: YA Fantasy

There once was a wizard named Benevic who was so powerful that he held back the forces of evil single-handedly. Therefore, he had to die.

That’s not the only reason. He was also good. Very good. Helping old ladies cross the street while rescuing puppies and protecting orphans from certain

23 comments:

  1. Semi hooked. The opening sentence sounds like the beginning of a limerick.

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  2. I think this is really funny, in a good way (I hope that was what you were going for). Although, as I re-read it, I am wondering if this is REALLY a YA book beginning. I would want to read more to see where you are going with it.

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  3. I want to give this a chance, but I'm not feeling it. The fact it ends in mid sentence REALLY turns me off, and I feel like it's going to be a back story dump right from the start.

    The first two sentences are pretty good, but you loose me after that with back story.

    I'd probably keep reading, but I would be looking for something to happen soon.

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  4. I'm smiling. So, yes, I'd read on.

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  5. Semi-hooked, too. I'd give it another page or two. I think it'll either be very funny, or very not. And I want to find out. :)

    It does sound a little young for YA

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  6. I'm kind of hooked, but would keep reading. Sounding interesting.

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  7. Not hooked. There once was a wizard. .. felt cliche.

    I did like the part where you say, "Therefore, he had to die." That interested me. But other than that, not so much.

    :-)

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  8. I thought the beginning started like a limerick, too! When the second part didn't rhyme, I had to go back and start again.

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  9. Semi-hooked. It did feel a bit more MG than YA...maybe because it did have the same cadence as a nursery rhyme. But your second paragraph had touches of humor so I would still read further to see where it's going.

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  10. The humor is enough for me to read a bit more, but this feels more like MG than YA. I think the writing could be a little tighter/stronger. Lots of 'wases' for just 50 words.

    (And just so you know for next time, it's okay to go a couple of words past the limit to finish the sentence. Mine had 52 and it went through fine.)

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  11. I really like this! Especially the second line. It is clean and interesting with a kind of funny tone! I would read more.

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  12. Almost hooked. I liked the first sentence.... not the second....

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  13. This feels like to me it's talking down to the reader or not YA, maybe more MG. This feels like a story I'd read to my 9 year old.

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  14. I'm hooked, at least for a few more pages. It sounds like it's shaping up to be a comedy.

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  15. I'm semi-hooked. I like the funny tone, but not fond of the limerick opening. Seems a bit uneven for me when it comes to appropriate for the age group. But if that's the sarcastic font that just got lost in the e-mail - I'm good.

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  16. I thought this was very tongue-in-cheek. I would keep reading.

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  17. I would read a bit further to find out who was going to do the killing but it stops too soon for me to tell if I'm hooked.

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  18. I liked the humor in this, but like many others said, I'd want something to happen soon.

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  19. There's enough humour here I would keep reading. The voice and pacing are also really good for this kind of piece.

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  20. Not hooked. I can see where it's trying to be funny -- and sometimes succeeding -- but the writing is a little clunky, in my opinion.

    And though it had nothing to do with hooking me or not: yeah, the limerick.

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  21. The humor made the first line work for me. I'd read on.

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  22. For YA, I am not hooked. The first sentences work okay for me--in a humorous, but ironic way. But the rest feels a little childish. But if this were MG, I think it's a great beginning.

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  23. The first sentence made me think you were going to be writing a limmerick. I think the humor is good, but I don't think it sounds YA. I hope the wizard is a kid...

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