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Wednesday, November 2, 2011

What Really Happened Yesterday

It's simple.  I checked, rechecked, and re-rechecked the contest data, to be Absolutely Certain I hadn't made a mistake.  Because, yanno, I made a mistake in the first round of adult submissions, and I didn't want history to repeat itself.

Then history repeated itself.

Basically, I forgot to email Michael to let him know the contest was set up, so that he could add the fee bit. It's the only part I can't do myself (the auction is the only thing with a fee, so it's not a normal part of my contest-setting-upping).  So the submissions started rolling in at an alarming rate, and I realized in a flash that they were posting immediately.

And then I realized why.  (This moment of my life is utterly indescribable.)

So I shut down the contest, tweeted seven hundred times, and posted an alert on the blog.  Long story short: I moved the contest times and Michael saved the day.

But here's what really happened yesterday:

I learned that, despite years of personal growth, I still have a long way to go in the GIVING MYSELF GRACE department.  As in, I died about twelve times yesterday because I had screwed up.  And it had affected people all over the globe.  People who had stayed up late to enter the contest.  People who had to leave for work.  People who were excited and nervous and ready to follow the rules.

I couldn't handle the letting people down part.  It felt like a personal Armageddon.

And then I discovered that, while I was drowning in self-loathing, the people I had let down were POURING GRACE OVER ME LIKE A WATERFALL.  Giving me what I couldn't give myself.

Nobody bashed me.  Nobody yelled at me.  Nobody called me an irresponsible, fluff-brained toad.

By the end of the day, I felt absolutely adored.  Forgiven.  Supported without a moment of oops-I-think-they're-going-to-drop-me-now.

If I said "thank you" a thousand different ways, it wouldn't express my level of gratitude.

And now I'm imagining a world that reflects what happened here yesterday--a world in which it's okay to mess up.  In which patience and gentleness prevail.  In which nobody holds a grudge when someone lets him down.

And, yeah.  In which I regularly receive donations labeled "chocolate."  I mean, seriously!  My grin was so wide it hurt.  And I needed some grins like that yesterday.

It took a submission fiasco to show me I still have a way to go in learning to forgive myself when I'm not perfect.  Which is, um, every day.  You were all a part of God's gentle whisper to my heart: "Stop being so hard on yourself when you mess up."

Okay.  Got that.  I may need to print out this post and re-read my own words for the next year or so, but I've definitely gotten the message.  "Authoress doesn't have to be perfect."  Check.

I've officially run out of words to tell you how amazing you are.

52 comments:

  1. So, so, SO not a big deal. Like, really not.

    (Actually, it helped me learn some things about MYSELF. So, thank you for that.)

    You rule.
    <3

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  2. A world like that would be ideal. The only thing we can do is face each other with the same understanding, but also to give ourselves that too.

    You are a human, an incredibly brilliant, beautiful, wise, funny, talented and, yes, flawed human bean.

    Think of all you learned. Yesterday happened for a reason, just like today will. ;)

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  3. LOVE YOU, ANONYSPARKLES! <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3

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  4. So, I'm the one who set my alarm for 2.50 a.m. in order to enter this contest, and I can tell you right now it wasn't even a hassle. It's exciting to be a part of something so amazing, and YOU'RE the reason.

    Even those people who had to go to work still have Thursday to try again.

    As Leigh Ann said, so, so, SO not a big deal!

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  5. When someone (you) is doing a HUGE favor for everyone that person gets all the grace in the world. We all appreciate this so much this wasn't even a thing!

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  6. Aww, Authoress. We'd never call you an irresponsible, fluff-brained toad.

    I'm glad things turned out okay on the long run. We're all human and make mistakes like that.

    And I agree with Alex. I'm pretty sure most of us are glad that we even have a CHANCE to participate in this sort of thing. At least, I am. :D

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  7. First of all, everything you just described would happen to me. Every time I have to send out something or do something or whatever I totally forget the most important part.

    Eh, you're human. Thanks for everything you do!

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  8. I can't believe you aren't perfect. You've shattered all my illusions. Yanno, people have murdered people for shattering their illusions. *cocks shotgun*

    <3

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  9. God blesses our lives in mysterious ways. Thank you for continued hard work and positive attitude.

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  10. You know I rather like the notion of an irresponsible, fluff-brained toad - sort of gently comforting to real incompetents like me!
    Well done, Authoress, for rescuing the situation. It is the stressful times that bring out the best or the worst in anyone - and you did good!

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  11. I'm totally new to this contest and your worthy site, and I'm just thankful you're doing this. But very quickly I've learned what a wonderful person you are!

    Talking about mistakes, I didn't label my donation...? But it was for the auction. I hope that's not a problem!

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  12. Good! You really shouldnt be hard on yourself. I mean, just look at what you've done for teh writing community. We're eternally grateful and always expect a few snafus. You have to have a sense of humor about yourself and life.... cuz there will always be snafus. :)

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  13. I completely relate with you about the pressure to be perfect and not want to let people down. I think I'll save this blog post too, and re-read it at those times when I've messed up or are feeling overburdened. It was really beautiful for all of us to see and be a part of all the love and support flowing your way yesterday.

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  14. Authoress, you do an amazing thing. You help us get our work out there and Agents are actually reading our stuff. You rock. A little blip in the contest is not the end of the world. If you were perfect we couldn’t like you so much. Hugs.

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  15. I like that world you're imagining. I like it a lot. And really? You're all the more amazing for not being perfect. :)
    As far as I'm concerned, worth -- if we can ever judge it, which we probably shouldn't -- is not measured by blips. It's measured by what we do despite those blips. And with that, you're an inspiration :)

    Enjoy the chocolate, you deserve it <3

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  16. I can't imagine anyone being angry. You provide a wonderful service through this blog, and many people are grateful for it. Mistakes happen! People understand. :) Thank you for your continued dedication to aspiring writers, Authoress.

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  17. And now after reading this post I'm feeling all teary eyed and loved right back. Isn't it wonderful how that works out so well? :)

    *waves to CP's Kathryn and Taryn*

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  18. You are such a sweetheart how could anyone ever be mad at you?

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  19. Love this post!! So glad you're feeling the love, and also the nudge to give yourself grace, and accept it from others. I'm a believer that these things happen for a reason, and sometimes happen loudly so that we can hear :) Definitely a lesson I need to learn as well, with the unfortunate perfectionist streak I have in me. I hate the thought that other people see my flaws that I find so unforgivable sometimes, and I expect that everything I do should be right, which is a ridiculous set of parameters to put on one self. A great reminder!

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  20. If ever there was an example of a truly humble apology that deserved not only to be accepted but rewarded tenfold, you delivered it. What happened was soooo yesterday and is forgotten as of...yesterday. LOL

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  21. You've blessed so many with the opportunities you provide, it's only fair that those blessing be returned every now and then.

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  22. Authoress doesn't have to be perfect. I highly doubt any of us are. Thanks so much ...

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  23. So let me tell you what I learned yesterday. I learned that other people make mistakes, too, and if I can easily accept someone else's humanity, why can't I accept my own? So we both got the same message. PLUS, I read your post to my husband and when I got to the fluff-brained toad part, he thought I said fluffery and so I got a new word out of the deal! PLUS (I know!) I got to feel patience and kindness and even better, that letting go thing that only seems to happen when I'm sleeping.

    Your mistake made my day better. So thank you.

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  24. I got all teary eyed from your post Authoress! Thanks for expressing what all of us need to know -- that we're all flawed humans but capable of grace.

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  25. Your post made me cry, but in a good way! The respect and love your readers have for you is almost tangible, and you are a special person who is very deserving of it.

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  26. Hello Authoress,

    I personally appreciate the opportunity you've given everyone to participate in the contest. I can't imagine the level of stress in having to make sure all these internet (quite thwart-possible) things are going correctly. I can barely log on to my email sometimes without wanting to kick something. So thank YOU.

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  27. Everyone makes mistakes, and it's totally okay! It's hard to accept that, I know. I beat myself up 100 times whenever I make one, but really, it's harder for you to deal with that for anyone else.


    You do a ton of great stuff, and we're grateful for it. Don't worry about the odd slip-up.

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  28. Grace and mercy...such wonderful things!

    While being perfect is never possible, I have found perfection in technology-related things is never going to happen! Okay - that also goes for most things in life. I hope you have a stress-free and grace-filled day!

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  29. Dearest wife, that is the best post you have written all year. So glad you publicly said "I am not perfect."

    It is so freeing when we realize we are not perfect and never will be. Love you!

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  30. You're amazing! It's good to get a reminder that we're not perfect because then we can get practice accepting things as they are instead of how we want them to be.

    Thank you for hosting this auction. I'm in the adult genre with fingers crossed!

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  31. Beautifully said. We all could learn a lesson at forgiving ourselves. It's amazing how you recognized the gift that a trial like that could give you. I love this writing community! <3

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  32. Dear Authoress,

    I have followed your blog for months and months. And I finally have the courage to write and say thank you. I don't have a full manuscript yet and the other contests for partials still scare the be-jeebies out of me.

    But I am learning so much from you and the others who comment, who share and submit their writing, who have the courage to "expose" themselves.

    And I agree with Mr. A. This is the best post yet. I see you as a human and a lovable, sweet person who is not quite the GoddessAuthoress, that I've been imagining you. (Despite your protests.)

    Thank you for being human and for gracefully accepting the error and the aftermath of love. This is a beautiful example of all that is right in the world.

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  33. We all make mistakes so we all need grace. Gracious, it's because I know how many times I've goofed, I'd be the last to point fingers. I'm glad you were able to cut yourself a break. It really did turn out okay. :)

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  34. Congrats for learning how to screw up like the rest of us!! LOL! And for learning to forgive yourself and realize you won't be flogged. All you do is amazing, I would be a lunatic if I tried to do half of what you manage to keep up with.

    And by the way, thank you for a new piece of wordage, because now I absolutely have to use "irresponsible fluff-brained toad" somewhere in my new wip. Have to. Just too good. ;-)

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  35. Ah.. melt.
    I cried reading your post; it was touching, introspective and raw. Then I read: Dearest wife. That's where I turned into cornstarch in water. Real life romance and true love.
    To take time from your life and writing in order to run this blog is what makes me believe you are the most giving and generous person - world over!

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  36. We are writers, so we assume our toughest critics are agents or editors, but truly we are our own harshest critics.

    I'm glad your friends here were able to help you see just how great you are, and how we all appreciate your efforts. Hugs. :)

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  37. You are an Amazing Anonymous Author.

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  38. I felt blessed all day -- joy and relief to find out it was just a glitch, the contest was still open. You give us time, talent, and opportunity -- and now this lesson in Grace.

    Thanks for all you do for all of us!

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  39. Authoress, you give us all so much hope and opportunities, advice, an 'in' the list goes on! You are eternally a shining light in the sometimes gloomy, sometimes murky world of aspiring writers. Bless ya chickie!!

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  40. Whew! Thought you were perfect there for a minute. Sure glad you're not. Keep up the great work.

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  41. Okay, so here's the thing. Def have a crush on Mr. A.
    I'm flying over there to kidnap him!!! What a sweetie, but it doesn't surprise me!! You attract what you are, sweetie-pie!!
    I love that you posted this. I love that it went a bit of a muddle yesterday! What you missed about it all...you made us feel okay about our own little mistakes (cause it was a LITTLE) mistake...and it added a bit of excitement, a bit of fun! It really did!
    If ever want to talk BIG mistakes, my cup runneth over!!
    We all make 'em, but yours wasn't even in the category of a mistake....just a missed button from someone who always manages to hit them all!! You made a lot of people smile. Brought us together, again! Sure doesn't sound like a mistake to me! : )

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  42. Our Dear Authoress,

    Here's a bit more adoration for you.

    Consider that for every person who commented yesterday, or on any given day for that matter, there are several more who are reading, taking it all in and benefitting immensely from the community here, without commenting. Your influence reaches much farther than you know.

    I think I can safely speak for many of us who may not comment much in saying thank you, THANK you, THANK YOU, for the forum you facilitate here from which we have learned so very much about writing, writers and more.

    Of *course* we are ready to give you patience and acceptance when there's a glitch in what you work so hard to give to us. How could we not? <3 <3 <3 <3 <3

    (And can I just say how sweet Mr. A is? He might even love you more than we do. Just maybe.)

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  43. Thanks, Authoress, for giving us this chance. I'm so glad there are people like you around.

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  44. We all mess up. We all need grace. God gives it freely. Others can give it to us. When we give it to ourselves, it can be an amazing thing. Thank you for your beautiful post.

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  45. Your article is beautiful and so true - grace is provided when we can't provide it for ourselves! I'm printing this out and hanging it on my fridge!

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  46. If it weren't for Grace Every Day I wouldn't get up in the morning! I'm just grateful you were willing to let us all play and share.

    Thanks for the opportunities.

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  47. Aw...! Such a lovely post, from such a lovely person. I'm 'specially delighted by the image of people pouring grace over you like a waterfall. So comforting.

    Like some other commenters, I'm going to bookmark this post as a reminder to myself; I'm sure it won't be long before I need to reread it.

    (Although--I'm ackshully rather fond of toads, fluff-brained and irresponsible or not, so just consider that if anyone did ever call you a toad, it wouldn't be the insult they might imagine it to be.)

    Please tell Mr. A that we are all in love with him.

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  48. If anybody out there can't submit tomorrow, I will share the love and try to get it in for you. I submitted successfully yesterday (twice!) - I have nimble typing fingers.

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  49. Should have said: email me - I will check at 12:30 EST.

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  50. Authoress told me I should read the comments, that I was beginning to get a following on the blog. I read the comments and appreciate the sentiment.

    I have the privilege of watching my wife delight so many. I am truly proud of what she has created. I was very moved by the grace that was poured out on her by all of you.

    I am married to a wonderful woman and I am blessed that you all love her too.

    Good luck with the contest. It is going to be a good one!

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  51. I can't believe you were beating yourself up over this. We've all screwed up (even those individuals who claim they haven't). And I can guarantee it I had been running the show, the screw up would have been a lot bigger. Like tsunami bigger. ;)

    I'm definitely not complaining wiht what happened. Even though my initial entry was cancelled, that turned out to be a blessing. While running, I finally figured out what was wrong with one of my paragraphs. Because of the "accident", I was able to send you a stronger first 250 words. *does happy dance*

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  52. I agree, we all screw up. Just last week, I accidentally forgot to put the name of the agent I'm querying in the email. What an embarrassment. I apologized -- and that amazing agent just smiled and told me not to worry. Hey, that was serious business I screwed up and was forgiven. The contest is a game, sure a fun game but a game nonetheless. It's no problem to wait a little longer. I was just a little shocked when I realized that it was closed after only a few minutes. When I found out what happened there was no anger, only relief that I'd get another chance.

    Let the game begin with a big hooray for Authoress!

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