Pages

Wednesday, March 21, 2012

Public Slushpile #19

TITLE: A Light in the Window
GENRE: YA historical

Seventeen-year-old Catherine McBride has a head full of modern ideas and a heart full of love for the mysterious new farmhand Patrick, neither of which gives her strict family any pleasure. Rumors about Patrick’s past as a drifter swirl and she is forbidden from socializing with him. But Catherine’s instincts compel her to go against all warnings, and even her own responsible nature, to meet with him secretly.

When a gang of criminal vagrants and three mysterious messages endanger not just Catherine and Patrick’s secret love, but also his reputation and her safety, Catherine realizes the worst thing she can do is let fear keep her silent. It falls to her to bring everything she knows about Patrick to light before an innocent man goes to prison, the true criminal gets away, and another victim is found dead.

A LIGHT IN THE WINDOW is set during the Depression era and is complete at 66,000 words.

47 comments:

  1. No...but it really was a maybe. Another paragraph with more detail about the murders would have pushed me the other way.

    ReplyDelete
  2. NO. I like the premise, but have no idea how the setting plays in. It feels like you just added it to call this a historical.
    ~Sarah F.

    ReplyDelete
  3. No. I'd weave in Depression-era setting earlier and pump up conflict in first graph.

    ReplyDelete
  4. NO. Elaborate more on the 2nd paragraph, and cut out some of the 1st (which seems very generic) and I think I would be a yes.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Yes. I liked the concept and voice and got a clear idea of conflict and consequence.

    ReplyDelete
  6. No, but I waffled. I got a clear idea of backstory from the first paragraph but the plot in the second paragraph is a little vague, which made me hesitate.

    ReplyDelete
  7. No. But I think the bones of a good story are here. Right now the description of the romance and the MC feel vague and ordinary. I want to know more about the murder and how Patrick is implicated. I want a hint of how Catherine can save him.

    ReplyDelete
  8. NO. I like where this seems to be going, but the last paragraph is too vague for me to know what to expect.

    ReplyDelete
  9. Yes. This is nicely written and intriguing. Even though the subject matter (historical girl with anachronistic independent streak!) tends to be a pet peeve for me, this sounds like it would be worth reading.

    ReplyDelete
  10. Yes. Thought it was well written and it intrigued me enough to want to read more.

    ReplyDelete
  11. No. While I like and write short queries, this one was too short on details. Your query was too vague, and I don't have a sense of the story or what's really at stake.

    ReplyDelete
  12. No, you had me with the first paragraph, but the second one seemed too general and a little confusing.

    ReplyDelete
  13. No. This one was really hard for me because I bet this is a good story, but the voice didn't stand out to me.

    ReplyDelete
  14. YES, it needs more punch and voice, but I liked the premise.

    ReplyDelete
  15. No, how can she save the reputation of a guy everyone thinks is a loser. Plus too vague on who might go to jail.

    ReplyDelete
  16. No. Your first paragraph seemed almost generic or vague, and the second seemed to come out of nowhere, and left me a little confused.

    ReplyDelete
  17. No. Conflict is too vague/generic, and sentences are way too long (there are only 5 sentences in those first two paragraphs).

    ReplyDelete
  18. No.
    Historicals require a sophisticated understanding of the time period being written about and I don't get that level of skill from the query because it relies too much on stereotypes of the times (mysterious farmhand)(criminal vagrants)(the girl with 'modern' ideas) etc.

    ReplyDelete
  19. No.
    I just didn't get any sense of the setting or time period, except for at the end when you told us it was depression era

    ReplyDelete
  20. No. The goal lacks any tangible conflicts.

    ReplyDelete
  21. No. But I was on the fence with it. The depression era makes it interesting but the description is very generic. It's every romance I've ever read.

    ReplyDelete
  22. Yes. I felt a clear sense of the conflict, and I like that it's a historical piece.

    ReplyDelete
  23. No--but I think the story has potential. I just need more details to feel invested in the plot.

    ReplyDelete
  24. Yes - but I agree the historical aspects should be worked into the query to solidify the genre.

    ReplyDelete
  25. No. But I have to say it was close, just a little too vague.

    ReplyDelete
  26. NO

    But I'd have said yes until I got to the end and realized I'd had the setting completely wrong. I got no sense of the Depression time period at all and it threw me off so that I just ended up confused.

    ReplyDelete
  27. No.

    But I think it could be great! I was thrown off a little by him being a drifter, but in the next paragraph his "reputation" is at stake.

    He has a reputation for being a not so good guy, right?

    Anyway, a little more of the setting and being sure you don't contradict yourself and this is an intriguing idea!

    ReplyDelete
  28. No.

    I would like more specific information--instead of "mysterious," give solid details about Patrick and the letters and provide more explanation about the murders and what she knows about Patrick.

    ReplyDelete
  29. No- I don't get a sense that it's historical as much as I do that it's a romance.

    ReplyDelete
  30. YES. It left me curious to find out what happened in Patrick's past and how everything resolves.

    ReplyDelete
  31. No...What's so special about this story? The way the letter is written, it's like so many other stories and I have no sense of the real plot. Too vague; not unique.

    ReplyDelete
  32. No, like many have said, it's too vague.

    ReplyDelete
  33. No. It's pitched as a thriller, yet no sense of tension or suspense. Also, until you get to the last sentence, you can't tell it's historical fiction. No sense of timeline.

    ReplyDelete
  34. No. I never got a sense of the historical setting, and shortening the sentences to highlight the stakes would benefit the query.

    ReplyDelete
  35. NO. Depression era surprised me, could have been set anytime by what was described earlier.

    ReplyDelete
  36. No. Too vague - what are the stakes?

    ReplyDelete
  37. Yes.

    I'd like to know more about the crime and the characters. I probably wouldn't call it a "historical" though, and I would mention the setting earlier in the query. A lot of women were becoming more independent free-thinkers during that era, so that doesn't strike me as anachronistic.

    ReplyDelete
  38. No. It seemed like something we'd seen before for the first part of the query, and then for the last part, I'd like more information. I agree that it didn't seem like Depression era. It seemed further back in time than that to me.

    ReplyDelete
  39. Yes. This is brief but interesting.

    ReplyDelete
  40. No. Sounds like the makings of an unfortunate situation, but I'm not seeing the story.

    ReplyDelete
  41. No. I didn't get a sense of the setting at all during the query, which is important if you are calling it historical. Also, the second paragraph was made up of two very long sentences, which makes me worry that the ms will be the same.

    ReplyDelete
  42. No - first paragraph almost had me, but the second got confusing - needs a few more details.

    ReplyDelete
  43. Yes! The query is really smooth--reads like a back cover--and the story elements are intriguing.

    ReplyDelete
  44. No - The second paragraph implies that there's conflict, but is too vague for me to catch onto what that conflict is.

    ReplyDelete
  45. Yes, but only because the genre and last summary sentence pulled me in. The first paragraph sounds too generic, like something we've seen a thousand times before.

    ReplyDelete
  46. No, because I don't feel there's anything new here.

    ReplyDelete