TITLE: A Light in the Window
GENRE: YA historical
Seventeen-year-old Catherine McBride has a head full of modern ideas and a heart full of love for the mysterious new farmhand Patrick, neither of which gives her strict family any pleasure. Rumors about Patrick’s past as a drifter swirl and she is forbidden from socializing with him. But Catherine’s instincts compel her to go against all warnings, and even her own responsible nature, to meet with him secretly.
When a gang of criminal vagrants and three mysterious messages endanger not just Catherine and Patrick’s secret love, but also his reputation and her safety, Catherine realizes the worst thing she can do is let fear keep her silent. It falls to her to bring everything she knows about Patrick to light before an innocent man goes to prison, the true criminal gets away, and another victim is found dead.
A LIGHT IN THE WINDOW is set during the Depression era and is complete at 66,000 words.
Miss Snark's First Victim
No...but it really was a maybe. Another paragraph with more detail about the murders would have pushed me the other way.
ReplyDeleteNO. I like the premise, but have no idea how the setting plays in. It feels like you just added it to call this a historical.
ReplyDelete~Sarah F.
No. I'd weave in Depression-era setting earlier and pump up conflict in first graph.
ReplyDeleteNO. Elaborate more on the 2nd paragraph, and cut out some of the 1st (which seems very generic) and I think I would be a yes.
ReplyDeleteYes. I liked the concept and voice and got a clear idea of conflict and consequence.
ReplyDeleteNo, but I waffled. I got a clear idea of backstory from the first paragraph but the plot in the second paragraph is a little vague, which made me hesitate.
ReplyDeleteNo. But I think the bones of a good story are here. Right now the description of the romance and the MC feel vague and ordinary. I want to know more about the murder and how Patrick is implicated. I want a hint of how Catherine can save him.
ReplyDeleteNo. Almost but too vague.
ReplyDeleteNO. I like where this seems to be going, but the last paragraph is too vague for me to know what to expect.
ReplyDeleteYes. This is nicely written and intriguing. Even though the subject matter (historical girl with anachronistic independent streak!) tends to be a pet peeve for me, this sounds like it would be worth reading.
ReplyDeleteYes. Thought it was well written and it intrigued me enough to want to read more.
ReplyDeleteNo. While I like and write short queries, this one was too short on details. Your query was too vague, and I don't have a sense of the story or what's really at stake.
ReplyDeleteNo, you had me with the first paragraph, but the second one seemed too general and a little confusing.
ReplyDeleteNo. This one was really hard for me because I bet this is a good story, but the voice didn't stand out to me.
ReplyDeleteYES, it needs more punch and voice, but I liked the premise.
ReplyDeleteNo, how can she save the reputation of a guy everyone thinks is a loser. Plus too vague on who might go to jail.
ReplyDeleteNo. Your first paragraph seemed almost generic or vague, and the second seemed to come out of nowhere, and left me a little confused.
ReplyDeleteNo. Conflict is too vague/generic, and sentences are way too long (there are only 5 sentences in those first two paragraphs).
ReplyDeleteNo.
ReplyDeleteHistoricals require a sophisticated understanding of the time period being written about and I don't get that level of skill from the query because it relies too much on stereotypes of the times (mysterious farmhand)(criminal vagrants)(the girl with 'modern' ideas) etc.
No.
ReplyDeleteI just didn't get any sense of the setting or time period, except for at the end when you told us it was depression era
No. The goal lacks any tangible conflicts.
ReplyDeleteNo. But I was on the fence with it. The depression era makes it interesting but the description is very generic. It's every romance I've ever read.
ReplyDeleteYes. I felt a clear sense of the conflict, and I like that it's a historical piece.
ReplyDeleteNo--but I think the story has potential. I just need more details to feel invested in the plot.
ReplyDeleteYes - but I agree the historical aspects should be worked into the query to solidify the genre.
ReplyDeleteNo. But I have to say it was close, just a little too vague.
ReplyDeleteNO
ReplyDeleteBut I'd have said yes until I got to the end and realized I'd had the setting completely wrong. I got no sense of the Depression time period at all and it threw me off so that I just ended up confused.
No.
ReplyDeleteBut I think it could be great! I was thrown off a little by him being a drifter, but in the next paragraph his "reputation" is at stake.
He has a reputation for being a not so good guy, right?
Anyway, a little more of the setting and being sure you don't contradict yourself and this is an intriguing idea!
No.
ReplyDeleteI would like more specific information--instead of "mysterious," give solid details about Patrick and the letters and provide more explanation about the murders and what she knows about Patrick.
No- I don't get a sense that it's historical as much as I do that it's a romance.
ReplyDeleteYES. It left me curious to find out what happened in Patrick's past and how everything resolves.
ReplyDeleteNo...What's so special about this story? The way the letter is written, it's like so many other stories and I have no sense of the real plot. Too vague; not unique.
ReplyDeleteNo, like many have said, it's too vague.
ReplyDeleteNo. It's pitched as a thriller, yet no sense of tension or suspense. Also, until you get to the last sentence, you can't tell it's historical fiction. No sense of timeline.
ReplyDeleteNo. I never got a sense of the historical setting, and shortening the sentences to highlight the stakes would benefit the query.
ReplyDeleteNO. Depression era surprised me, could have been set anytime by what was described earlier.
ReplyDeleteNo. Too vague - what are the stakes?
ReplyDeleteYes.
ReplyDeleteI'd like to know more about the crime and the characters. I probably wouldn't call it a "historical" though, and I would mention the setting earlier in the query. A lot of women were becoming more independent free-thinkers during that era, so that doesn't strike me as anachronistic.
No. It seemed like something we'd seen before for the first part of the query, and then for the last part, I'd like more information. I agree that it didn't seem like Depression era. It seemed further back in time than that to me.
ReplyDeleteYes. This is brief but interesting.
ReplyDeleteNo. Sounds like the makings of an unfortunate situation, but I'm not seeing the story.
ReplyDeleteNo. I didn't get a sense of the setting at all during the query, which is important if you are calling it historical. Also, the second paragraph was made up of two very long sentences, which makes me worry that the ms will be the same.
ReplyDeleteNo - first paragraph almost had me, but the second got confusing - needs a few more details.
ReplyDeleteYes! The query is really smooth--reads like a back cover--and the story elements are intriguing.
ReplyDeleteNo - The second paragraph implies that there's conflict, but is too vague for me to catch onto what that conflict is.
ReplyDeleteYes, but only because the genre and last summary sentence pulled me in. The first paragraph sounds too generic, like something we've seen a thousand times before.
ReplyDeleteNo, because I don't feel there's anything new here.
ReplyDelete