TITLE: The Victorious Dead
GENRE: Space Opera
Vaslisha Tor Dain is a mercenary starship captain with a few simple rules: A good ship is better than a great man; in case of confusion always err on the side of blowing someone's head off; and never fall for a telepath or a member of her crew. And All of those are about to bite her in the ass.
Vas’s life takes a turn for the worse when she comes back to her crew after what should have been a two week pleasure trip to find out she’s actually been gone a month and has no memory of missing time. Her beloved ship, The Victorious Dead, has been sold for scrap and its pieces scattered throughout the galaxy. Plus, there are mysterious, unmarked ships blowing apart entire planets and the Commonwealth government can’t, or won’t, stop them.
And even worse, she may be falling in love with her telepathic second-in-command.
Miss Snark's First Victim
YES. It's hooked my interest enough that I'd want to read the book.
ReplyDeleteYes. I don't read this genre much but I like the voice and humor a lot.
ReplyDeleteNo. I don't get a clear idea of the consequences and the MC doesn't hook me as someone I'd want to follow.
ReplyDeleteNO. I think you're missing something at the end to tell us what she needs to do to triumph in the end - can she get her spaceship back? Does she need to defeat bad guys?
ReplyDeleteYes.
ReplyDeleteIt was good setup at situation and character - but your last line completely hooked me by the amusing conflict that situation would create.
No. I don't understand what the stakes are or what the story is really about.
ReplyDeleteNo. You have a good setup, but I don't know what the plot is and what the MC is going to do.
ReplyDeleteNo. I like the humor, but it feels like all set up without the stakes and how they relate to the MC.
ReplyDeleteYes. I'd read the heck out of this.
ReplyDeleteNO. All the elements are compelling, but I still don't know what happens in the story. (Side note: I'd call this sci-fi, not space opera).
ReplyDeleteYes. I don't read sci-fi or space opera, but this query is fun and full of voice. As to the stakes, her ship's been dismantled; that's all I need to know. The most important part of any query is enticing the agent to read it even if it breaks a few rules. While I'm not an agent, this query is enticing because it's fun.
ReplyDeleteYes. But it was almost a no. I loved the first paragraph and the concept. You set up the voice really well, but I didn't see any real consequences or stakes in the second paragraph and the last line seems like an add on.
ReplyDeleteYes. This has focus and it has conflict. The stakes could be clarified more - how does the fact that mysterious ships are blowing up planets affect the MC?
ReplyDeleteNo. I'm not feeling the stakes here or what is going on.
ReplyDeleteYes. Great voice, and this sounds like a lot of fun.
ReplyDeleteYes, great voice and you had me at the opening lines.
ReplyDeleteYes, but it was a squeaker. The voice won me over & 1st paragraph is great, but you need one more paragraph to tell me why this matters.
ReplyDeleteYes, but only because of the premise. I have no idea what the actual conflict of this book is.
ReplyDeleteYES
ReplyDeleteI really, really wish there was more about the conflict and consequences, but i was really hooked by her rules.
No. This is all setup and no story.
ReplyDeleteYes. The rules were funny and fantastic and hooked me. I want to read about this character. Though I think the second paragraph lost some momentum at the end.
ReplyDeleteYes. There are too many stakes and how it's supposed to tie together is confusing, but the whimsy and humor make it very attractive to find out.
ReplyDeleteYes! I laughed out loud at the end of the first paragraph.
ReplyDeleteYES! I loved the first paragraph (ha!), and I enjoyed the action to come. I'd read it.
ReplyDeleteNo - but so close. The last paragraph should describe what her quest is and what the stakes are. I'm envisioning Firefly with a female captain - I really want this to work for you. Good luck!
ReplyDeleteYES! Solid query. Hooked with just enough info to have me wanting to read this story.
ReplyDeleteYes. This sounds like an exciting story.
ReplyDeleteYes.
ReplyDeleteI don't know anything about this genre, but the MC sounds like a real spitfire and there is great voice here.
YES.
ReplyDeleteI don't read much sci-fi, but I really like the voice and the premise here... I'd read more!
Yes.
ReplyDeleteThe voice, alone, hooked me, but the query should show the MC's goals, what she has to do to attain them, and the stakes in succeeding or failing.
Yes- Great voice and character come through from the start.
ReplyDeleteYes! Send this to me now.:) I love it.
ReplyDeleteYes. People have voiced concerns about this query being all set-up, but imo, it's all inciting incident. If I were an agent, I'd have all I need to request!
ReplyDeleteYes.
ReplyDeleteI love it. The random capitalization of "All" in the last sentence of the first paragraph threw me but it's a great concept, sharp, snappy voice, and I'd totally read on.
Yes.
ReplyDeleteI love the voice, the mysterious memory loss and all her "rules" blowing up in her face.
Yes. I love the concept, voice, and humor.
ReplyDeleteYES. The character and the conflict are clear and sound fun.
ReplyDeleteYes! The voice is perfect and I think the story would be a fun read.
ReplyDeleteYes, for all the above reasons
ReplyDeleteYes. Even though it seems unfinished and we have no idea what the main plot is, I love the voice and humor.
ReplyDeleteYes. Though the main crux of the story seems missing (or hidden) I loved the voice coming through.
ReplyDeleteYes, although despite the 2nd & 3rd grafs, not because of them; you got my yes based on the 'err on the side...'
ReplyDeleteYes.
ReplyDeleteI like the concept (and love the "Victorious Dead"), but I'd like to know what the consequences/choices are before committing to it. Also, word count?
No. I know this is a little thing, but the "A" instead of "a" made me think this wasn't professional enough.
ReplyDeleteYes. Times a hundred LOL.
ReplyDeleteNicely written with what ifs and OMGs scattered through out.
YES, promises a good balance of action and humor, i.e. all around good fun.
ReplyDeleteNo. I have an idea of setup and voice, but no idea what the story will be.
ReplyDeleteNo. I like the voice, a lot, but I don't get a good sense of the story. What does Vas want? What are the stakes?
ReplyDeleteNO. I really don't understand how there are so many yeses. I wanted to say yes, and I bet the story's great, but this is not even a query letter. It's half a query letter. Everything here could go in the first paragraph, and then tell us what she's going to do about it, or else what. I don't think an agent would request on this, no matter how great the story sounds.
ReplyDeleteNo. I LOVE the premise (and it's not even a genre I usually read), but needs more of a sense of the conflict.
ReplyDeleteYes.
ReplyDeleteAs others have said, the stakes and plot line are missing, but I love the premise and voice. This hooked me and that's the bottom line.
No. The writing isn't smooth enough in explaining the plot--the last sentence is tacked on carelessly.
ReplyDeleteYes - It's the voice that got me more than anything, just enough to get over not really knowing where the story is going.
ReplyDeleteYes. You had me on the first paragraph. The rest of it felt like it could be a little smoother, but I'm SO in anyway. :)
ReplyDeleteYes. You could have given us a few more plot points--summarized, say, the first 100 pages instead of the first 50--but I love the voice and the premise.
ReplyDeleteNo, because the good stuff is all at the end.
ReplyDelete