TIME IS HELL
Troy "Heckler" Sinclair is used to days from hell. It comes with working for demons most of his life. But when Baal shows up to collect debts Heckler owes, Hell would be a vacation compared to the week ahead.
Father Time's three split personalities are waging a private war and screwing with the space-time continuum. The conflict threatens to make Duluth the next Brigadoon, so Mr. Past wants Heckler to assassinate Present and Future. If he doesn't, Mr. Past has nasty plans that don't stop with killing him. Baal wants Heckler to take out the Hell Team, and if he doesn't, Baal has even nastier plans. And then there's the entire Summer Fey court after Heckler for past insults.
When Heckler slips up and starts to care about his team mates--never a good plan when you're supposed to murder them--it gets downright messy.
Yeah, hell doesn't begin to describe it.
Miss Snark's First Victim
This is a bit complicated for a back of cover blurb. Picture me racing after two kids in the store as they tear it to pieces. I have 5 seconds to scan the back cover and make a decision- I might get through the first paragraph before the kid starts screaming.
ReplyDeleteIf I did get a chance to read the whole blurb I'd be looking for the first book in the series and this doesn't sound like it's the debut for this character. You have so many characters and so much history laid out here that I need a triology to catch up : )
So, yes, I might buy one of your books but probably not this one.
For a blurb, this is reading a bit too "complicated-like" for me. However, you've got some turns of phrase here that I find brilliant: "screwing with the space-time continuum" and "threatens to make Duluth the next Brigadoon." Yep, I'm interested in that sort of thing. But when a blurb inundates me with info-dump, I tend to lose interest before I begin. KWIM?
ReplyDeleteYour voice is great, though. (Do blurbs have voices? LOL)
This is sooooo close! Only about a dozen drafts away from being the "it" blurb. 8^)
ReplyDeleteIt's confusing. I'm not totally clear what the central conflict is. I really like that it has the flavor of Pier Anthony's series about time, angel of death, mother nature, etc. (it's been a while since I read them so I can't remember the names). So that's a definite plus for me. But there's way too much going on. Love Father Time's split personalities; this is a fabulous hook. You just need to work on clarifying how it all works, and how Heckler's in the middle of it all. I don't get that part, especially when you throw the Fey Court into the mix. Focus! And where did the team mates come from? They seem to show up out of no where.
Yes, you're very, very close. But as it is now I have to say no, I'm not hooked.
Thanks, guys! :D Wrote it in about 5 mins flat last night so I ain't surprised. ;) Hehehe. I see what you mean about too much info. I'll prune.
ReplyDeleteJust_me, thanks--I understand what you're saying and it's an issue I'm having with the novel as well. So much history... ugh. Blasted character WILL NOT cooperate for a first book, I swear. Maybe I need to hurt him some more. He doesn't learn. %-)
Gotta run. Thanks again, I really appreciate it!
Ta!
~Merc
The voice of this blurb is great, and that's something we really need to remember when blurbing (myself included *makes mental note*): Show the flavor of the story (voice) not just tell what the book is about. YOu did a great job of that.
ReplyDeleteWhat screws me up is you lead in saying Baal's there to collect a debt and then start talking about other people entirely (past, present, future dudes) and what Past wants Heckler to do: assassinate the other two, and if he doesn't pain and torture, etc, etc.
Only Then you come back to Ball and what he wants, and you mention that 'Hell team'. Is that Past present and future--it isn't clear. and again, if Hec doesn't, pain torture, etc. Then there's another line about the Fey people being PO'd at Heckler too...it's just too much and too confusing.
You intro:
Heckler
Baal
Father Time
Duluth
Mr. Past
Present
Future
The Hell Team
The Fey Court
It seems like a lot for a blurb, I guess. Keep at it--you'll get there. The voice tho--totally Merc and very compelling, IMO.
I loved the first paragraph. After that, I got lost. Hmmm, this sounds familiar. :)
ReplyDeleteI agree with the others that it's just too complicated. Too many characters introduced and too much of the story revealed.
Karen,
ReplyDeleteoooh, excellent feedback, thank you! :D
Focus--hahaha, yes, I do have that problem. ;) Will work on that. Trim. Focus. Clarify what's going on. Got it. B-)
Angela--thanks! :D I'm seeing a pattern here. ;) Trim, clarify and focus. O:) Glad you liked the voice.
Tabithia--thanks! :D
Great feedback, everyone. I really appreciate it. You've given me exactly what I need to revise.
~Merc
Hi Merc! Great blurb, honestly.
ReplyDeleteI think most everything I might add has already been said (focus, focus), other than these two notes:
"Yeah, hell doesn't begin to describe it"
This reads a bit flat for Wulf
I didn't identify well with Heckler. I'm not sure how to articulate that, and maybe I'm asking for too much, but I want a sentence somewhere that gives me a conflict I can empathise with.
Sure, starting to care about the teammates he's supposed to murder is intruiging, but I can't identify with it. Nor can I identify with being coerced by demons, though both sound like an interesting plot.
Great job. And hey, if you start feeling down about all the revisions you'll need, check out my blurb... :(
Hey, Wulfie! :D Thanks for the comment--I think you make an excellent point about finding something in the blurb to make you want to identify with the MC. I do the same thing when I read... so I'll definitely work on that! B-)
ReplyDeleteMuch thanks. (Where IS your blurb? %-))
~Merc