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Friday, May 23, 2008

Friday Fricassee

And again, thanks for your participation. Dialogue is definitely a challenge, is it not? Nothing bogs a story down more than a whole lot of yakkity-yak-yak that doesn't move the story forward.

Nothing, perhaps, except endless internal dialogue. "He wondered" this; "he wondered" that. He pondered, he paused, he considered, he worried, he thought, he contemplated.

He needs to tell the voices in his head to be quiet and get on with whatever it is he's supposed to be doing!

So I'm a little sensitized to it right now. I'm still reading Ilse Witch by Terry Brooks. And not to pick on Terry Brooks, but...I'm going to pick on Terry Brooks.

I am almost convinced that this book wasn't edited.

What's my beef? Well, aside from the endless internal dialogue and rambling blah-blah-blah of characters, there's this little issue of ridiculous word tags.

Yes. Ridiculous word tags often coupled with -- gasp -- "ly" adverbs.

Are you with me?

And I'm asking myself, what happened to the Invisible Said?

But don't take my word for it. See for yourself:

From page 11: "Once, only," the other advised.

Advised? It jumped out at me as awkward, but to each his own, right? Right, until you get to page 37:

"I know of the expedition," Walker advised quietly, and bid him continue.

Now we have "advised quietly."

And lo and behold, the word "advised" continues to show up regularly, each time bearing itself like a fresh, red zit that you don't really want to look at.

Along with "advised," we have "he inquired," "he whispered," "he greeted pleasantly," "he called back to them," "he roared to everyone who would listen," "he declared loudly," "he snapped," "he agreed finally," "she admitted," "he announced approvingly," "he replied suspiciously," "she pressed," and "he declared."

And that's in the first 75 pages. The book is over 450 pages long.

I don't know how much more of this I can stand.

Here's an "in context" example from page 153:

"How well do you intend to pay?" his sister interjected quickly.
"What would be your normal rate of pay for a long voyage?" Walker queried.

Queried? Is he looking for an agent?

And here's "advised" again on page 163: "This way," Redden Alt Mer advised, starting off down the dock toward the beach.

Here's a good dose of "telling" instead of "showing": "How did you know we were coming?" Bek asked in surprise.

I'll stop now. I think you've gotten the gist of what I'm ranting about.

And, too, there's the teeny-tiny fact that I'm on page 231 and the characters still have not embarked upon their quest.

Yep! Halfway through the book and they haven't actually begun their journey.

I work so hard to tighten my writing. You all know how hard that is! I'm still in process, you know? So very much in process. That's what's so awesome about crit partners and feedback and such.

So when I read the work of a long-lived, bestseller author, and the writing is about as tight as a 90-year-old's abs, it's just a bit...discouraging.

Not to mention painful to read. Oh, the guy's got a story, to be sure! Rife with epic fantasy cliche that I could certainly do without, but he knows how to weave it.

But where....oh where, oh where, oh where....was his editor?

Does he have an editor?

Maybe he should hire Merc.

*grin*

So, who's game to pick up the book and read it along with me? Can we work together to discover what's really good about it, and what isn't? Is there somebody here who actually wants to say to me, "Authoress, you're all wet, mama. It's an excellent book without flaw."?

Do tell.

I really am teachable. I really do want to be a better -- and better and better -- writer. I really do read books to hone my own craft, as well as for entertainment.

And right now, I am neither entertained nor learning much. Except, perhaps, what not to do.

Will you join me? Let me know!

And have a wonderful Memorial day weekend.

7 comments:

  1. I think authors are sometimes on the shelf to long and they start to trade on their name, not their skills. It lasts, for a few books, and then they slink away in shame or get their act together.

    There's also a danger in growing past your critique group. Even when you are a highly acclaimed published author (like we'll all be in the next 10 years or less) you need someone to shred your writing. Some needs to shake their head and go, "Look, nice draft, but you need to fix some stuff."

    My Friday Rant:
    Customer service people named Ashely who don't speak English (bets her real name wasn't Ashley?)

    Editing... I have an idea but I see a mountain of work in front of me. 'tis scary....

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  2. and the writing is about as tight as a 90-year-old's abs, Clearly you have not met my 90 year old cynical mercenary, Morgan. B-)

    *ahem*

    Yes, I get frustrated on big name authors. Like I said (don't know if it's here or not), I think at some point they get so "big name" that they either won't accept criticism and the publishers will put out whatever they pen, or the editors just don't see a point in editing because Big Name = sales no matter how bad.

    If I see the adverb "quietly" in a tag ONE MORE TIME, I'm going to shoot the guilty party. SMALL FAVOR entertained me, but I think Jim used about 500 too many "quietly"s. Good gawd did he abuse that adverb!

    I'd happily play editor to some of these people. %-) They'd not get off so easily. I don't care how big your name is, it's no excuse for sloppy writing. I understand deadlines and whatnot, but honestly.

    You HAVE to notice when EVERY SINGLE FREAKING TAG on a given page ends in "quietly". I mean, how can you MISS that? Seriously!

    Okay, I'm done now. :P

    Have a good weekend, everyone!

    ~Merc

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  3. Ah, yes. The dreaded quietly. A well known author I've read recently has developed an affinty for SUDDENLY. Seems that by starting her sentences with it, the action must be more, uh, sudden. Suddenly, the door slammed. Suddenly, the gun went off. Suddenly, the reader freaked and set the book on fire. ACK!
    The, I truely love the author that decides it's time to write in first person and they've never done it before, nor does it suit the tone of the book or their voice. Painful, I tell you.
    Every other word is "I". Oh yes. I this and I that. In one sentence I counted at least 5.

    Then, the proverbial b*&@# about inactive verbs...
    I've seen more of these in published stories lately, than I've seen in a lot a unpublished writer's drafts.

    Deep breath *breathe in, breathe out* That's my rant

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  4. You wrote that the book is hard to digest and then ask if we will read it with you. :) That's funny.


    Right now I am reading "True Believers" by Nicholas Sparks and I love it.

    My Friday beef is I don't have enough time to finish reading the book.

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  5. Poor Terry. He's a nice guy, you know. I was lucky enough to meet him a few years ago at a conference. I do agree of the tag thing tho. I think that some of it is that his writing has not adapted to today's standards. Those types of tags used to be much more common.

    This was one issue I had with Stephanie Meyer's book, Twilight. The tags she used were peppered with ly's or just stood out like a sore thumb like the ones you listed. My favorite: she said artfully.

    Artfully? What the heck does that mean?

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  6. You can say what you want about Brooks. I'll even agree with most of it. As a kid, though I thought his book Elfstones of Shannara was the best ever. Man did that have a scary story. (for the 80's!)

    And then, he went out and wrote another series, the Scions of Shannara. And I have to say that till this day, The Druid of Shannara is still one of my favorite stories.

    The writing? Well, it's not the best ever. But the story... the characters... I even love the bad guys. Pe Ell is one of my favorite characters ever and I rooted for him as much as the others.

    If there is a Brooks book worth reading, it's that one. A true classic.

    Of course, I hear his newer 'Armageddon's Children' books are top notch, so maybe the writing in those got an upgrade?

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  7. Kato,

    I think the reason I'm having such a passionate reaction to the weaknesses in this particular book is that I, too, grew up loving Terry Brooks. The Sword of Shannara roped me in, and I remember being ever so, ever so, EVER SO upset with how the Ellcrys thing turned out in Elfstones.

    So reading Ilse Witch is like returning to a long, lost friend -- and being horribly disappointed.

    ReplyDelete