Genre: SciFi/Fantasy Romance
RieAn poked at the meat on her plate, pushing it around. Two days without food, her stomach cramped from emptiness, but for some reason she'd lost her appetite.
That some reason sat across from her, staring with black soulless eyes, smiling in a cold, calculating way. OrXian, Torin's creepy son and way too advanced in his abilities for a child.
Abilities, he used at the very moment to unnerve her and make half the guests squeamish and green.
RieAn couldn't stop herself from fixating on the large roasted boar sitting in the center of the table, a showpiece. It turned its head, squealed and stared back at her. Roasted eyes rolled around in the sockets and hot steam that smelled like bacon snorted from its nostrils.
RieAn swallowed and shifted her gaze away.
Torin ignored his son's behavior and reached up to slice a hefty slab from the carcass. The boar squealed and snapped at him. He smacked it with the broadside of his knife, then transferred the wiggling flesh to his plate, cutting a bite sized piece, he popped it in his mouth and groaned in pleasure. "Spectacular."
RieAn gagged, but managed to keep from being sick. She wouldn't give him the satisfaction.
Torin stopped eating. He glanced up and pointed his knife. "You should eat. You're going to need your strength later."
"I'm not hungry."
"Stop playing with your food, OrXian." Torin stabbed another piece and stuffed it in his mouth. "It's bad manners, son."
Ewww... very creepy. Other than the incorrect comma use: Abilities, he used at the very... I thought this was top notch! I hate Torin AND his son, the little brat. No doubt he'll grow up to be just like his papa. 8^)
ReplyDeleteHahaha! NICE. %-) I liked it; nice "eww' factor...
ReplyDeleteNot really sure why Torin is a villain (I mean, who doesn't like making dinner guests squirm? far more interesting to do that than keep up polite conversation) but I'm interested in him. B-)
OrXian works as a creepy kid, and while I don't like them, I'd probably have to say more to judge whether I dislike him or not. (Probably would. Hate creepy kid characters. Ever since I saw that Twilight Zone episode with a young Bill Mumy.)
(I suppose I'm so totally the WRONG person to ask about the bad guys, huh?)
I really want to know how they keep the boar alive, though... what novel's this from?
~Merc
I completely dislike him, but probably wouldn't have marked him as "The" antagonist through this little excerpt.
ReplyDeleteYour writhing, moving, cooked boar idea is both nasty and amazingly clever. :)
Some comma and phrasing errors detracted a bit, but assuming that's just stuff that will cleaned up later.
Hateful family to be having dinner with, though, to be sure!
I thought it was a great ew factor but I didn't like it overall.
ReplyDeleteI didn't see an antagonist here.
Hmmm. Okay, so you caught me tossing somthing rough up. LOL. I was scanning for something that might show you the villian in 250 words. Kind of hard as I spend a great deal more time building them up. But for what it's worth, I didn't give you the puppy killing scene, where this kid snaps necks and re-animates them. This bit is part of a much larger picture that foreshadows a later event where the father and some of his soldiers get fried in a river they're crossing while hunting the woman you see at this table. All while the kid is watching. Anyway the kid blows a gasket, reanimates the soldiers, hounds, mounts and yes his father, along with every dead and rotting creature in the jungle within a one mile radius. Since this is another planet, I had a great deal of twisted fun creating different monstrosities to send after her.
ReplyDeleteMerc, I think you've read the crash scene that opens this story with Marcus?
I've been Mommying to long.... this kid sounds like half a dozen I know and the boar wiggling doesn't bother me.
ReplyDeleteIt's kind of funny but not spectacularly evil.
Sorry.
He's certainly devious, but I like a little creativity. If the family turned out to be particularly borish, I might even find him the hero : )
ReplyDeleteThe odd capitalization in the middle of names was a bit distracting for me.