Genre: Urban Fantasy
When I shifted my attention away from Gavin, he rushed in and grabbed me from behind, pinning my arms so tight that an ounce more stress on my bones would surely break them. He was damn strong for an old man. A hell of a lot stronger than me. I kicked backwards and he squeezed me tighter, forcing my shoulders back so far that I thought the bones would pop from their sockets.
He pressed his face against my cheek, his lips touching my ear. Drops of spittle flecked my skin when he breathed. "Hold still or I'll break both your arms."
"Not if I break yours first."
He chuckled. "Such a dreamer. As always, your reach exceeds your grasp." He grabbed both my wrists in one powerful hand while using the other to search inside my coat. I knew what he was looking for, and a sick, lost feeling filled me from the toes up. If he took that away, my chance at freedom was lost.
His hand slid up my ribcage and over my breasts, making me gasp. He'd done some horrible things to me in the past, but never had he molested me sexually. I'd let him do it now if I thought it would distract him from what he was really after. His hand changed direction to feel the lining of my coat, searching for an inside pocket. When he found the knife, he yanked it free and pushed me away.
Miss Snark's First Victim
Hmm, not bad. I don't really see Gavin as bad here, though. He's basically holding her to get what he wants, yah? (Okay, so possibly groping her doesn't count. ;))
ReplyDeleteNow, the comment about what he's done to her before--I think an example here (assuming it wouldn't be redundant to what the reader already knows) might make him sounds more of an enemy in the excerpt.
But of course, excerpts aren't always the best way to show off the antag's full potential. ;)
I actually like to see more... hmm... examples. *shrugs*
I think I might like this guy if I saw more... so nice job making me want to read the book for Gavin. :P
And remember, this is Merc, villain enthusiast, more than likely to root for the bad guys than the heroes... ;) So take it all with a hefty dose of salt. B-)
~Merc
The short answer is that I hated him immediately.
ReplyDeleteHopefully, that was your intent. ;)
Thanks, Merc and Authoress. Gavin is one of those villains who works real hard at appearing all prim and proper when his heart is black as pitch, so taking excerpts out of context is tough. I have a nasty gargoyle who's horribly by nature, but that's his way and he's not the villain. He's Gavin's slave as well. Gavin's the guy who kidnapped Chalice when she was a child and made her his slave by bonding her to a gargoyle. But it's not like this stuff happens in 250 words.
ReplyDeleteSo I don't have anything purely nasty on my villain in one tiny lump. He's nasty over the course of 350 pages. It's cumulative. 8^)
Yeah, I figured it's a cumulative process ;) which isn't easily shown in a short excerpt.
ReplyDeleteStill. I think I'd like him. B-)
~Merc
I didn't hate Gavin, and I wasn't a fan of his either. On a scale of 1-10 1 being nice and 10 being the villian.. I give him a 7.
ReplyDeleteI enjoyed your writing, but was somewhat disapointed in the last paragraph. It left me wondering what the deal was with the knife. Why did he want it so badly?
Nasty even if he isn't Darth Vadar Evil. He's someone I wouldn't mind seeing die very shortly. Preferrably in a painful way. For molesters.... give me a call. I've got suggestions. They aren't nice.
ReplyDeleteJust Me, he does. He loses his hand soon after this scene and just before he kicks. Bwahahhaha!
ReplyDeleteLoses just his hand? I would have aimed lower.
ReplyDeleteA nasty Blighter, that Gavin. I do think the mention of 'things he's done before' makes it wall work.
ReplyDeleteWithout that, he's just another groper :)