This is the story of a clone, who is an anti-hero. Eva is a sociopath. The villian is something you might not expect. Society.
"Momma," she said, pouting.
Her mother turned her face to face, and smiled a most beautiful smile at her. My heart ached for a smile like that. I reached through the bars again, but this time I reached for the woman. "Ma – ma." I said and waited for that smile. Instead, I got a look of horror.
"Take Annalise out," my keeper's mother ordered the caregiver. The woman led a pouting Annalise away, shutting the door behind them.
I smiled again at the woman before me. "Mamma," I repeated louder.
The woman retrieved a leather strap from the wall, unlocked my cage and stripped me of my clothes. I'd never known violence, or I would have cowered in the corner.
"You are forbidden to use that word." She swung the strap down. "I am not your mother." Another blow. "You have no mother." Over and over, until she released me and I fell to the floor like a broken doll. I curled into a ball and cried. The woman walked out of the cage, locking the door behind her. "You are a clone. You haven't a mother." She turned to the caregiver who'd returned. "No food for her tonight. She must learn this lesson." My Keeper's mother spun on her heel and left the room.
I cried. Welts covered my arms, my back, my legs, but that was not the reason I cried.
I cried because I hadn't a mother.
Ooh, I likes!
ReplyDeleteAlthough society as the antagonist doesn't surprise me... I have immediate sympathy for Eva.
The woman is mildly dislikable for her behavior but at the same time, you kinda understand if she's been brought up in the society like this.
Anyway. Have you finished this one?
~Merc
I enjoyed reading this, although I also didn't feel like the woman was a villan, nor did I feel like society was the villian. Perhaps science... but there was no mention of science.
ReplyDeleteMaybe if it was written from the mother's pov... it would have seemed liked she was the "villian".
I felt extreme sympathy for the clone and would read more of the story.
This is mild compared to some of the things Eva Suffers. You missed the very beginning because I cut it back to 250. Merc, the awnser is almost. I've got a couple chapters left on this short.
ReplyDeleteBut don't feel to sorry for Eva, she's a nasty, unfeeling bit of work later on.
Well, looking forward to reading the whole thing when you're done, Dawn.
ReplyDeleteBah, why shouldn't I like her/sympathize with her? %-) Nasty pieces of work are so much FUN.
(Think she'd hit off with Winterblade?)
~Merc
Maybe I'm weird but I would like something more interesting for the torture than a whipping. Whippings aren't fun but they aren't inventive either. Something more direct like brainwashing would grab my attention more.
ReplyDeleteI'm curious where you're going with this though. And I hope it's to overthrow this messed up society :)
Bad, bad mommy. Or unmommy, as the case may be. Yeah, I hate her, all right. There's no excuse for whipping a child, clone or not.
ReplyDeleteI'd have liked a deeper POV though, a more detailed response from Eva as the whip stings her flesh. As is, it's like a summary. Like sex with the door closed.
Personally I'm all in favor of sex with the door closed... :)
ReplyDeleteLOL Just_me!
ReplyDeleteThis scene is wrenching, and has potential. I found myself hating the mother, regardless of the fact that she is a product of her society.
The most compelling part, for me, was when Eva said "Mamma" in order to get that same, warm, smile...but instead she got a look a horror that led to the physical abuse.
The emotional impact of something like that would wound a person beyond the physical hurt.
Of course, again, here comes my taboo thingie with abusing children. Though in this case I don't have as much of a problem as with that Winter-guy-sicko scene of Merc's. ;D
Well written and definitely gripping.
ReplyDeleteI have to agree that I was more focused on the mom than society. She seemed like the one that was screwed up.
I also think that trying to set up 'society' as the bad guy is a logical fallacy. Perhaps some thread of society or even the public education or consensus of a culture would work.
But all of "society" don't agree on much of anything (ergo war, borders, cultures, and politics).
And Eva's mom makes her choices on whether she'll do what society told her or not. Of course, she could actually be turned into an important subplot if she _wanted_ to rebel but just didn't have the courage.
Ok, I stop now...
LOL You hit the nail on the head when you mentioned to overthrow society. Annalise later becomes president of this country. Eva, a sociopath and product of the same society. Replacing world leaders with their clones. Ah just some of what happens.
ReplyDelete