TITLE: Woolly Bully
GENRE: Action-Adventure
All this Woolly Bully stuff happened when I was thirty and just a poor dumb cowboy down on his luck drifting from rodeo to rodeo, drinking too much nearly every day, trying to forget ... that one really bad mistake in my life.
I used to be a bull rider, once upon a time, back when I was twenty and full of myself. Frank Haycock. Destined to be World Champion, everyone said. I haven't ridden a bull in ten years. Not since that awful day. You see, when a father brands your soul, it changes your life forever. Sometimes you lose your way, as I did.
Anyway, about that damn bull ....
He wasn't called the Woolly Bully at first. His real name was Doodlebug, not at all a name you'd expect for the psycho-killer bull he was bred to be. But as things turned out, it was a name that struck fear in the hearts of every cowboy that drew him.
As for me, the first time I tangled with the Woolly Bully was at the Travis County Livestock Show in Austin, Texas ....
It was a hot Saturday night in March and the air smelled of dust and dry heat and hay bales—and more than a whiff of fresh manure. Behind me, applause rose from the rodeo stands. I walked on, my scruffy boots crunching against the crusty soil. A few feet ahead, a holding pen was filled with seven slobbering bulls snorting grumpily through glistening nostrils.
Miss Snark's First Victim
half and half. By the time I reached the end I wanted to read on, but you almost lost me in the first two paragraphs with the veiled references to the awful day, and the really bad mistake. If I had picked this story up in a store, and read those two paragraphs, I'd have quickly put the book back down again.
ReplyDeleteThe first paragraph would be better finishing on: trying to forget... because your readers are smart enough to know people usually only want to forget the bad/dumb things. We don't need to have that information force fed to us.
But you introduced the kind of character I like best, the slightly wounded about to be hero despite themselves, very well.
I was hooked, but after the first two paragraphs.
ReplyDeleteI'd loose those, and keep going from there.
Yes, and I agree with all the coments here.
ReplyDeleteI'm there. Very evocative writing. Crisp and specific. Great voice. Love "Doodlebug."
ReplyDelete"brands your soul" is a bit much though. Suggests a veering off into vampire fiction or something.
I agree with everyone about losing your first 2 paragraphs. I'd been hooked instantly by anything that started "...about that damn bull." It might make your cowboy's story more poignant to start with the bull that changed everything. I'd read more, definitely :)
ReplyDeleteMust agree, the first two paragraphs didn't grab me, and actually turned me off. But I think if you start with the bull ride that changes his life, it would be good. I'm intrigued but need to get into the actual conflict (not vague whining and with Ominous Foreshadowing that doesn't work, imho) right away for it to work for me.
ReplyDeleteGood luck,
~Merc
Even though this isn't the type of novel I'd typically read, I would read on. The narrator has a good voice. Alhough I did groan at "Woolly Bully" being an actual bull. :S
ReplyDeleteI doubt this would be a book I'd pursue, so you know...salt shakers at arms. I think getting right to the bull is a stronger choice, circle back to the way it went sour. I also wondered if there was a reason to go to the first encounter, or if there was a way to give more of a voice to Frank in choosing to take us back there.
ReplyDeleteNot for me. The voice sounds good and the writing feels crisp, but the concept doesn't intrigue me at all. I don't think it's a problem with the hook itself, but rather a genre I don't read at all. I don't feel invested in the protagonist and the bull doesn't interest me enough.
ReplyDeleteNo from me. Oddly, I felt that there was something off in the tone, like it was a child telling an adult's story, or something. Most odd. Sorry :(
ReplyDeleteHooked.
ReplyDeleteI like the strong voice of the MC. (Maybe it's because I'm from the south)
The ellipses stuck out, for me; a bit jarring.
Even though, I'd read on, there's something not so striking about the story (could be because I've been reading through one sci-fi, fantasy, after another, and this just seems different)
It seems to pretty much lay out everything right-off-the bat. We know there's gonna be a regrettable decision/act, we know there's gonna be an overpowering father-figure, we know the MC's gonna be a cocky hot-shot, we know there's gonna be a crazy bull named Woolly Bully, and we know (from the intro's 20/20 look back) that the MC is going to turn out alright. Doesn't leave much to wonder about. Hmm.
No. Sorry. I had to push myself to read to the end of this piece. Probably my fault, but I just was not captivated.
ReplyDeleteNo.
ReplyDeleteThis seems distracted or unfocused.
That said... I'm against rodeos, so I was reading with a dangerous squint anyway. %-)
No, I'm afraid, at least not in this form. I agree with everyone else about starting later (with your FOURTH paragraph) and circling back for the first two later, if you still feel a need to include them.
ReplyDeleteHave you ridden bulls? Do you know anyone who does? It helps to remember all bull riders are insane. This cowboy needs a stronger voice and a wilder nature from the very beginning, IMO. I'd like to see more of what you've written just to see where you're going with this, because a tale about bulls and bull riders absolutely must be redeemed! :-)
This felt a bit scattered to me. I was facinated by the idea about a book on bull riding, but the subject jumped around so much, I couldn't get hooked. I think there's too many hints and information right away... I'd prefer to start with a scene, maybe him drawing the deadly bull and his reaction.
ReplyDeleteThen I think I'd be hooked.