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Thursday, October 9, 2008

F2S 11

The memories flashing through my mind were not my own. I recognized them, but none of them seemed familiar; like old photographs, they were worn around the edges and a little blurry.

12 comments:

  1. The memories flashing through my mind were not my own. I recognized them, but none of them seemed familiar; like old photographs, they were worn around the edges and a little blurry.

    This is a great beginning.

    I suggest getting rid of the word "seemed" - it's vague. I would state "I recognized them, but they weren't familiar"

    I like the idea of comparing the memories to old photographs - but are old photographs always blurry? That's what it sounds like you're saying, and since I'm a photographer, I didn't like the idea of all old photographs being somehow bad. Just my opinion.

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  2. Recognized and seemed familiar seem like the same thing to me. I would chose verbs that contrast more.

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  3. I like this a lot. Love the imagery. Though old photographs would probably be faded rather than blurry.

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  4. It's an intriguing beginning, but I feel the language pushes the reader away rather than pulling them in. I think more active words (rather than "seemed" and "recognized") might help with that.

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  5. Personally, I'd prefer a little more context before we get to flashing memories, so I can feel something for the character.

    That said, there's nothing actually terrible about the opening, and I'm intrigued enough to keep reading.

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  6. Hmm, this felt too internal for me. I don't know whether to feel sorry for the MC, or happy, or scared for them, or what? Is he/she asleep, awake, daydreaming, dying?

    I'd pass; too abstract.

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  7. This is confusing to me. How can you recognize something, but have it be unfamilar?

    I like the description of the old photographs.

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  8. I agree with some here that the writing could be a bit tighter, but the premise is fascinating enough to make me read on.

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  9. What Lady Glamis said. Your imagery is wonderful.

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  10. I too like the idea, although I agree with Inky that a bit more context would help--and also, not sure how recognizing them but they are unfamiliar works. Still. I'm a sucker for memory issues/mind games so I'd read on a bit more. ;)

    ~Merc

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