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Thursday, October 9, 2008

F2S 17

I smuggled alcohol to the Speakeasies in New Orleans. Dirt roads and flammable liquor, an adrenaline charge that kept me taking chances, even knowing if I got caught I might not see the outside again.

12 comments:

  1. Great setting. It conveys tone and place right at the get-go.

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  2. I smuggled alcohol to the Speakeasies in New Orleans. Dirt roads and flammable liquor, an adrenaline charge that kept me taking chances, even knowing if I got caught I might not see the outside again.

    I like this! It's descriptive and has a great tone, as Karen stated above.

    But would a person be locked up forever if they were caught smuggling alcohol? I guess that, right there, would keep me reading!

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  3. Great Showing for the time and setting, as well as the conflict. However, the second sentence feels incomplete, like there's a "but" missing.

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  4. Nothing wrong with the sentences, but it just doesn't sound like my kind of story, sorry.

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  5. Good setup. Very engaging, but it doesn't sound like my kind of story. Other than that, it's good.

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  6. I love it. Interesting.. would definately read more..

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  7. i like it. I would definately read on.

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  8. I'm with Inkblot and fairchild. Well written, got some hook, just not one I'm personally interested in.

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  9. I like all the vividness here, and I'd definitely read on. There's something about that first sentence, though, that just seems out of place. Maybe it's too ... direct?

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  10. It has hook-value, but something feels wrong about the second sentence. Sorry, I can't pinpoint what.

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  11. Agree with Inky, too. It's a good opening, just doesn't sound like my kind of story (although anything flammable is good!). :)

    ~Merc

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  12. (Yes, I'm very late to the party.)

    The problem with the second sentence is that it isn't a sentence.

    Maybe something like

    Dirt roads and flammable liquor fueled an adrenaline charge that kept me taking chances, even knowing if I got caught I might not see the outside again.

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