Sixty-five million years ago there was a mass extinction of the dinosaurs.Though they weren't affected by EM radiation or pesticides, something triggered their demise and in a short time only skeletons remained to tell their story.
Sixty-five million years ago there was a mass extinction of the dinosaurs. Though they weren't affected by EM radiation or pesticides, something triggered their demise and in a short time only skeletons remained to tell their story.
Didn't grab me. Sorry. A bit too dry and textbook-ish.
Even if this is nonfiction, it needs a stronger opening. If it's leading to a fiction about a different race's extinction, or their own, then cut some of the fact and get to the story.
This is not a bad opening in the classical sense, but contemporary readers have grown to expect something intriguing and directly related to the story to happen the moment they open the book. Classical literature seems boring by today's standards, containing as it does opening sentences, paragraphs and sometimes several pages of scene and history description.
It's hard to tell from a couple sentences, of course, but this reads to me more like narration for a Discovery Channel program.
ReplyDeleteThe result is that it doesn't pull at my emotions and leaves me feeling not connected to the story.
Most folks know that dinosaurs went extinct, so maybe you can just cut these sentences and get more into the story?
Nothing I didn't already now. lol
ReplyDeleteTextbook?
ReplyDeleteSixty-five million years ago there was a mass extinction of the dinosaurs. Though they weren't affected by EM radiation or pesticides, something triggered their demise and in a short time only skeletons remained to tell their story.
ReplyDeleteDidn't grab me. Sorry. A bit too dry and textbook-ish.
i'm sorry but this didn't hook me. I already know everything that you wrote. also, there's no feel for any kind of character at all.
ReplyDeleteDitto on the other comments that nothing unknown happens here, nor is there any sense of character, conflict, setting, time, or plot.
ReplyDeleteDitto other comments, though I could get over that if I had a great blurb convincing me the story was going to be worth it :)
ReplyDeleteDitto all the above. These are well-known facts, we need to know what your story is about, or how this info relates to it.
ReplyDeleteNot hooked.
Even if this is nonfiction, it needs a stronger opening. If it's leading to a fiction about a different race's extinction, or their own, then cut some of the fact and get to the story.
ReplyDeleteThis is not a bad opening in the classical sense, but contemporary readers have grown to expect something intriguing and directly related to the story to happen the moment they open the book. Classical literature seems boring by today's standards, containing as it does opening sentences, paragraphs and sometimes several pages of scene and history description.
ReplyDeleteMight be wise to liven this up a bit. :-)
I have little to add to the previous comments.
ReplyDeleteNo, there's nothing really hook-y here, and nothing we've not heard. Where is the story and when does it start?
ReplyDelete~Merc