Going on the assumption that this is a kids book, it didn't hook me. The voice is good for a children's book, but ditto on sandra's comments that there just isn't enough of a conflict in what you've presented to engage me in the MC's plight.
I agree with Sandra that going to bed with wet hair is not usually a problem for me, but I'm still interested in this--I feel like someone who still calls their mother, "Mama" creates conflict when they don't listen to her.
I'd read on, out of curiosity, though this did seem a little strange. Maybe have her mother say a word or two about why she shouldn't go to bed with wet hair?
I like the voice here, and I'm not put off by the vagueness of the conflict. I imagine we'll find out why going to bed with wet hair is a problem in the next sentence. I'd read on (possibly expecting to find a warning about always donning clean underwear before one leaves the house ;-) ).
I'd read on. I find it interesting in a quirky sort of way. I almost think she's going to get pneumonia or something, or alternatively she will look wild haired on the 1st day of school or something like that.
It didn't really hook me, but I have to say, it's just random enough I would read on to find out what the heck not drying her hair before bed is a conflict in the story. :P
Without knowing which genre I can't say where this is going. Isolated like this, I'm not hooked.
ReplyDeleteMama said, "Dry your hair before going to bed."
ReplyDeleteI didn't listen.
I agree with "just me." This did not grab me at all. I feel like I just landed in the middle of something, completely confused - and a little bored.
I've gone to bed with wet hair before and never had problems with it. Despite the conflict, I don't feel any jeopardy here. Sorry, it doesn't hook me.
ReplyDeleteGoing on the assumption that this is a kids book, it didn't hook me. The voice is good for a children's book, but ditto on sandra's comments that there just isn't enough of a conflict in what you've presented to engage me in the MC's plight.
ReplyDeleteI agree with Sandra that going to bed with wet hair is not usually a problem for me, but I'm still interested in this--I feel like someone who still calls their mother, "Mama" creates conflict when they don't listen to her.
ReplyDeleteI'd read on because I wonder why on earth this is important to the story. Curiosity factor. :)
ReplyDeleteIt's a curious opening, but I don't understand the problem of going to bed with wet hair.
ReplyDeleteI'd read on, out of curiosity, though this did seem a little strange. Maybe have her mother say a word or two about why she shouldn't go to bed with wet hair?
ReplyDeleteNothing to catch my imagination.
ReplyDeleteI'd read on only if the next sentence mentioned a consequence (other than funky dried hair) of not listening.
ReplyDeleteIt does have the right voice for a children's book.
I like the voice here, and I'm not put off by the vagueness of the conflict. I imagine we'll find out why going to bed with wet hair is a problem in the next sentence. I'd read on (possibly expecting to find a warning about always donning clean underwear before one leaves the house ;-) ).
ReplyDeleteI'd read on. I find it interesting in a quirky sort of way. I almost think she's going to get pneumonia or something, or alternatively she will look wild haired on the 1st day of school or something like that.
ReplyDeleteNothing here to grab my attention. Unless the POV character would be a mermaid.
ReplyDeleteIt didn't really hook me, but I have to say, it's just random enough I would read on to find out what the heck not drying her hair before bed is a conflict in the story. :P
ReplyDeleteSo it's sorta a yes-no, lol.
Good luck!
~Merc