Blind dates were the work of the devil, and Presley Gordon's best friend was the devil's apprentice. Oh, she might look innocent enough with those soulful eyes and that gentle demeanor, but Presley knew better.
Blind dates were the work of the devil, and Presley Gordon's best friend was the devil's apprentice. Oh, she might look innocent enough with those soulful eyes and that gentle demeanor, but Presley knew better.
Who is "she"? The blind date or Presley's best friend?
I want to know why Presley knows better, so I'd keep reading. That, and the fact that I hated blind dates...funny that I married one of them, huh?
LOL! I loved this! The devil's apprentice was totally awesome. And I already have an idea of who Presley is with the "soulful eyes and gentle demeanor."
Whose POV are we in? I think the ambiguity here threw me off and prevented me from really connecting to the story. Why keep calling her the best friend? Names are good—they help the reader identify with the characters.
I'm confused about whether "she" is the blind date or Presley's best friend (I'm betting best friend). Loved the first sentence, but think you might consider removing at least "enough" from the second sentence -- and maybe "might," too. ("Oh, she looked innocent with those soulful....")
I like this opening. I'd keep reading.
ReplyDeleteI'm confused as to who is who. Is Gordon's bestfriend his blind date? Or the one who set them up?
ReplyDeleteBlind dates were the work of the devil, and Presley Gordon's best friend was the devil's apprentice. Oh, she might look innocent enough with those soulful eyes and that gentle demeanor, but Presley knew better.
ReplyDeleteWho is "she"? The blind date or Presley's best friend?
I want to know why Presley knows better, so I'd keep reading. That, and the fact that I hated blind dates...funny that I married one of them, huh?
LOL! I loved this! The devil's apprentice was totally awesome. And I already have an idea of who Presley is with the "soulful eyes and gentle demeanor."
ReplyDeleteWell done!
i really like this!
ReplyDeleteWhose POV are we in? I think the ambiguity here threw me off and prevented me from really connecting to the story. Why keep calling her the best friend? Names are good—they help the reader identify with the characters.
ReplyDeleteI like this. Hooked.
ReplyDeleteSituation is a little unclear, but I imagine that will be cleared up in the next few lines. I'd keep reading.
ReplyDeleteI think it should read. Blind dates are the work of the devil....
ReplyDeleteSorry not hooked, sounds too teeny booper...
Nice voice. I think I read this opening somewhere else.
ReplyDeleteI'm confused about whether "she" is the blind date or Presley's best friend (I'm betting best friend). Loved the first sentence, but think you might consider removing at least "enough" from the second sentence -- and maybe "might," too. ("Oh, she looked innocent with those soulful....")
ReplyDeleteI like the voice, but agree it could be tightened. Adding her best friend's name would be a good touch. I'd read more.
ReplyDeleteI actually find the devil's apprentice thing confusing - is it that she is learning how to set people up on blind dates?
ReplyDeleteI do like it, though - would read on.