I'm also confused - less is more, I guess. Light bleeding is cool, and brings to mind some interesting imagery, but there's just too much in this sentence. You know what could be interesting? Trying to write the same sentence in seven words or less. Ten words or less? :) Whatever, that's just my opinion.
The wording is confusing towards the end, as though the author misused a word or left out one or too. So it's hard to say if I'm hooked.
ReplyDeleteNot hooked.
ReplyDeleteConfused, not hooked.
ReplyDeletethe wording is off--too long or word missing? sorry
ReplyDeleteConfused, not hooked.
ReplyDeleteI'm also confused - less is more, I guess. Light bleeding is cool, and brings to mind some interesting imagery, but there's just too much in this sentence.
ReplyDeleteYou know what could be interesting? Trying to write the same sentence in seven words or less. Ten words or less? :) Whatever, that's just my opinion.
I was close to hooked until the end of the sentence. Kind of gets lost in there.
ReplyDeleteNot hooked. It feels like a run-on sentence.
ReplyDeleteI was a bit lost as well. Not hooked.
ReplyDelete...so many clauses. And I'm officially confused. What is the story? Description without a story is meaningless.
ReplyDeleteNot hooked, and very confused. Sorry.
ReplyDeleteHave to agree with the others. This is unreadable as is. Sorry.
ReplyDeleteYes, I think you need to change the end of the sentence. It's confusing as is and I wouldn't read on.
ReplyDelete