Miss Snark's First Victim
'atrocious' strikes me as an odd descriptor. Interesting opening, so I'd probably keep reading to see WTH is going on.
Not liking the first sentence, but definitely intrigued.
Gross, but that would make me want to read more :)
'Atrocious beatle'...doesn't work for me. And the rest...yuk.
I too don't like the word atrocious, but the hook is there. I would read on.
Yuck.Not hooked.
I also don't like the word atrocious, but liked the sentence. I'd read on.
Not hooked. Same as a few others, with the word 'atrocious,' but I also don't have enough here to get a sense what's going on.
"Getting it out" seems redundant, "or two" distracting, and "near my scalp" incorrect. It's either stuck in your scalp or your face, no?
This opening didn't work for me. In fact, it really make my skin crawl!
Something doesn't ring true in the voice for me, so I'm not hooked. (The poor beetle!)
I'll read on to see if there is a good reason the beetle is more atrocious than most. If not I'll probably stop.
Interesting opening image, but word choices seem to have let this down.
I had to re-read the first part of the second sentence. Might be just me but if others give the same feedback it might be worth revising to make it clearer, eg. I tried to get it out but ended up crushing it' or something. Not hooked from what I've seen here.
'atrocious' strikes me as an odd descriptor. Interesting opening, so I'd probably keep reading to see WTH is going on.
ReplyDeleteNot liking the first sentence, but definitely intrigued.
ReplyDeleteGross, but that would make me want to read more :)
ReplyDelete'Atrocious beatle'...doesn't work for me. And the rest...yuk.
ReplyDeleteI too don't like the word atrocious, but the hook is there. I would read on.
ReplyDeleteYuck.
ReplyDeleteNot hooked.
I also don't like the word atrocious, but liked the sentence. I'd read on.
ReplyDeleteNot hooked. Same as a few others, with the word 'atrocious,' but I also don't have enough here to get a sense what's going on.
ReplyDelete"Getting it out" seems redundant, "or two" distracting, and "near my scalp" incorrect. It's either stuck in your scalp or your face, no?
ReplyDeleteThis opening didn't work for me. In fact, it really make my skin crawl!
ReplyDeleteSomething doesn't ring true in the voice for me, so I'm not hooked. (The poor beetle!)
ReplyDeleteI'll read on to see if there is a good reason the beetle is more atrocious than most. If not I'll probably stop.
ReplyDeleteInteresting opening image, but word choices seem to have let this down.
ReplyDeleteI had to re-read the first part of the second sentence. Might be just me but if others give the same feedback it might be worth revising to make it clearer, eg. I tried to get it out but ended up crushing it' or something.
ReplyDeleteNot hooked from what I've seen here.