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Thursday, March 25, 2010

116 YA

TITLE: Haunted Cowboy Robots
GENRE: YA



I’d give my right toe—the little one—to visit my grandpa’s gold mine. I found toes for sale on eBay. I listed mine.
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18 comments:

  1. StinaMarch 25, 2010 at 4:30 PM

    Maybe hooked. I'd read a little further.

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  2. Joshua McCuneMarch 25, 2010 at 4:34 PM

    Partial hook -- this seems like one of those openings that's meant for shock value and won't necessarily live up to the promise.

    WV: podsize (as in toes)

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  3. Gracie Bea WintertonMarch 25, 2010 at 4:39 PM

    I would keep reading, but I agree with anonymous. Needs revision so it isn't confusing.

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  4. AnonymousMarch 25, 2010 at 4:43 PM

    I liked your beginning. The title? Hmmmm....maybe not so much.

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  5. christinaMarch 25, 2010 at 4:49 PM

    I like it--it made me snicker!

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  6. Shannon O'DonnellMarch 25, 2010 at 4:51 PM

    Ha ha. I like it! (the title? maybe) :-)

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  7. Meghan S.March 25, 2010 at 6:54 PM

    Cute, if I liked the genre I'd definitely be hooked

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  8. SojournerMarch 25, 2010 at 6:56 PM

    It seems the sentences are out of order. What would happen if you put the second, then third, then first.
    Toes for sale on Ebay might be a quicker hook. Just a thought.

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  9. AnonymousMarch 25, 2010 at 7:02 PM

    Sojourner, I agree. That would make this a lot more clever.

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  10. rheaMarch 25, 2010 at 7:35 PM

    I also agree with Sojourner. I would read more.

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  11. EsperantoMarch 25, 2010 at 7:40 PM

    Ha! I'd keep reading.

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  12. AmyspitzMarch 25, 2010 at 9:00 PM

    Whoah! Yeah, okay. I'm curious. And while everyone else has good comments, I actually like the title. (grin)

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  13. BradMarch 26, 2010 at 9:23 AM

    Not really hooked.

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  14. MichaelMarch 26, 2010 at 2:01 PM

    Hooked, simply because it's so strange. And I like the varying sentence lengths.

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  15. MercMarch 26, 2010 at 8:53 PM

    LOL. It's bizarre and a little confusing, but the randomness of toes almost makes me hooked.

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  16. David F. WeismanMarch 27, 2010 at 10:55 AM

    I'll read on, as much because of the title as the opening. People can list anything on ebay, at least until it gets taken down.

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  17. Cheryl SMarch 27, 2010 at 10:34 PM

    I agree with soujourner.

    There's a bit of a Eww factor, but I'd keep reading a little longer

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  18. BronMarch 30, 2010 at 7:42 AM

    Hooked! I liked the mention of the gold mine in the first sentence. It sets up the story as something a bit adventurous. I also liked that the MC upped the stakes by mentioning Ebay, indicating they were serious about the toe thing and not just being dramatic.

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