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Thursday, March 25, 2010

117 YA Fantasy

TITLE: Melisma
GENRE: Young Adult Fantasy


"In five minutes, I will be on that stage playing a tambourine. Kill me. Kill me now."
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15 comments:

  1. StinaMarch 25, 2010 at 4:31 PM

    Not sure if I'm hooked. I'd read a little further.

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  2. TamiMarch 25, 2010 at 4:34 PM

    Partial hook. I love the strong, immediate character voice and can sympathize with the stage fright being shown. Plus, promise of fantasy in the genre for an extra boost.

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  3. Shannon O'DonnellMarch 25, 2010 at 4:39 PM

    I like it - I'd keep reading. :-)

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  4. ValerieMarch 25, 2010 at 4:53 PM

    This makes me smile. I'd read on. ^_^

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  5. MHMarch 25, 2010 at 5:05 PM

    Cut the first "kill me" and I'm hooked!

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  6. AnassaMarch 25, 2010 at 6:02 PM

    Like this line as is and love the voice. You've caught me enough that I'd read a page or two, to see if the voice holds and where the fantasy comes in.

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  7. Bethany ElizabethMarch 25, 2010 at 6:13 PM

    I laughed, and laughter = hook. Great job!

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  8. rheaMarch 25, 2010 at 7:33 PM

    LOL, this is funny. Nice voice. Hooked.

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  9. StellaMarch 25, 2010 at 11:21 PM

    Hooked. I want to know how the performance will turn out.

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  10. Jodi MeadowsMarch 26, 2010 at 6:30 AM

    Not hooked.

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  11. suzanneMarch 26, 2010 at 1:57 PM

    This really caught me. It's funny. Great voice.

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  12. Rebecca T.March 26, 2010 at 2:32 PM

    This made me laugh. I'm hooked.

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  13. MercMarch 26, 2010 at 8:52 PM

    Not hooked--I'm not sure I like how the DL explains things. This feels weirdly like it should be narrative (with the voice) but is not. It jarred me more than intrigued, sorry to say.

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  14. RobbinMarch 28, 2010 at 12:44 AM

    2 or 3 opening sentences to set the scene would be great--it wouldn't ruin this great line.

    the problem I have with most stories opening with dialog is it forces the writer to then go back explain the line which weakens the beginning

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  15. BronMarch 30, 2010 at 7:14 AM

    Stage fright isn't enough to hook me, so based on these 25 words, I'm not hooked. I could have quite a different answer if you'd been allowed 250, or even 50 though.

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