Pages

▼

Thursday, March 25, 2010

140 Paranormal Fantasy

TITLE: Witch Hunt
GENRE: Paranormal Fantasy


So, I broke his nose.

Well, to be honest, it was a lucky blow, I was aiming for the jaw. No regrets, he deserved it.
at

23 comments:

  1. SteveMarch 25, 2010 at 4:58 PM

    Hooked. The irony made me chuckle, and I want to know WHY he deserved it. Not real excited about the title, but realize it's probably a "working title."

    ReplyDelete
  2. AnonymousMarch 25, 2010 at 4:58 PM

    Fairly hooked.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Keren DavidMarch 25, 2010 at 5:20 PM

    Love it.

    ReplyDelete
  4. samsevernMarch 25, 2010 at 5:26 PM

    HOOKED!!!
    I love it! Cool opening sentence, too! ㋡

    ReplyDelete
  5. Joshua McCuneMarch 25, 2010 at 5:31 PM

    Hooked.

    ReplyDelete
  6. shawnawksMarch 25, 2010 at 5:39 PM

    Like the voice! Hooked!

    ReplyDelete
  7. Cate KariaxiMarch 25, 2010 at 5:42 PM

    Yes, hooked. :)

    ReplyDelete
  8. TamiMarch 25, 2010 at 5:45 PM

    Hmm, I know I commented on this one, but it's gone! *gasp*

    Hooked! (and even better without the accidental quotes from earlier) Strong voice - I want to know more!

    ReplyDelete
  9. AnnaMarch 25, 2010 at 5:56 PM

    I'm definitely hooked, and I want to know if the Witch Hunter is the one doing the punching, or the one getting punched! Definitely want to know more.

    ReplyDelete
  10. JaneMarch 25, 2010 at 6:24 PM

    Hooked! But -- and I hate to be so nit-picky -- is a comma the right punctuation for after "blow?" Makes it a run-on, but maybe that's ok for your character's voice.

    ReplyDelete
  11. EmMarch 25, 2010 at 10:33 PM

    Hooked!

    ReplyDelete
  12. ValerieMarch 25, 2010 at 11:36 PM

    Lol. Nice. Love this. Hooked!

    ReplyDelete
  13. Vicki RochoMarch 26, 2010 at 12:54 AM

    HOOKED!

    ReplyDelete
  14. Jodi MeadowsMarch 26, 2010 at 6:15 AM

    Heh. More or less hooked.

    ReplyDelete
  15. V.R. LeavittMarch 26, 2010 at 12:20 PM

    Good hook. I am not entirely sold on the title, but like somebody else said, it might be just a working title. Would definitely keep reading. :-)

    ReplyDelete
  16. Lucy WoodhullMarch 26, 2010 at 1:55 PM

    Hooked! I'd lose "well", though. I'm a person who tends to put lots of "so"s, "well"s, and "oh"s at the beginning of sentences. Using both here looks like a tic, but maybe that's because I suffer from one :)

    I agree with changing the comma after blow - maybe to a dash.

    ReplyDelete
  17. Emily CrossMarch 26, 2010 at 3:06 PM

    Hooked!!

    ReplyDelete
  18. MercMarch 26, 2010 at 4:07 PM

    Hooked! Love the voice. (Don't like the title, though.) I'd read on.

    ReplyDelete
  19. UnknownMarch 26, 2010 at 4:18 PM

    Good and honest... Nice.

    ReplyDelete
  20. feywriterMarch 26, 2010 at 4:48 PM

    Not hooked. I feel like something is missing with the "So". It's a reaction to something I don't know of.

    ReplyDelete
  21. falconesse@gmail.comMarch 26, 2010 at 4:52 PM

    Hooked! I like the voice.

    ReplyDelete
  22. Cheryl SMarch 27, 2010 at 9:10 PM

    Definitely chuckle worthy. I'd read on.

    ReplyDelete
  23. RobbinMarch 27, 2010 at 11:54 PM

    Doesn't work for me.

    I feel like I got dropped into the scene just after the action. I have no reason to believe the narrator that "he deserved it".

    I feel like the intent is for me to want to read on so I'll find out if he deserved it but there's no basis for me to trust it's worth my while. Rather intrigue me by beginning with an opening that lets me know who he is in relation to you and then I'll be like "wow you broke his nose." What will you do next?

    ReplyDelete