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Thursday, March 25, 2010

145 Gothic Fiction

TITLE: Angell Park
GENRE: Gothic Fiction

'I’m not dead.'

The words, harmlessly scrawled onto the wooden bench at Angel Park, have been there for years.
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22 comments:

  1. Joshua McCuneMarch 25, 2010 at 4:56 PM

    I like - though I might cut the 'harmlessly'

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  2. WyndyDayMarch 25, 2010 at 5:02 PM

    Wow, definitely hooked!

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  3. TamiMarch 25, 2010 at 5:09 PM

    Hook!

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  4. PortiaMarch 25, 2010 at 5:10 PM

    Hooked! Nicely done. I like the image of them on a park bench. Nice tension.

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  5. Cate KariaxiMarch 25, 2010 at 5:30 PM

    I like the first line. That would be a fascinating thing to see on an old park bench.

    The second line - I'd probably nix 'harmlessly' and change the flow slightly.

    "Somebody had scrawled the three words on the bench at Angel Park years ago."

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  6. JaneMarch 25, 2010 at 6:22 PM

    "Harmlessly" tripped me up. I see what you're getting at -- how prosaic and normal the bench is -- but I'm not sure this word works.

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  7. Higley BrowneMarch 25, 2010 at 7:24 PM

    Hooked. Agree with nixing the 'harmlessly'

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  8. sbjamesMarch 25, 2010 at 7:48 PM

    I like it. It makes me think of Monty Python, but that's good. I didn't mind harmlessly- it added to the comic sort of image I had, a lighter mood.

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  9. Terri MolinaMarch 25, 2010 at 8:10 PM

    Hooked!

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  10. Alex KMarch 25, 2010 at 8:56 PM

    Hooked!

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  11. JessMarch 25, 2010 at 9:30 PM

    Having just re-watched Monty Python & The Holy Grail, I found myself smiling and reading the first line with a British accent. Then the second line pulled me right into Angel Park and hooked me.

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  12. Vicki RochoMarch 25, 2010 at 10:36 PM

    Like it! Would definitely read more.

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  13. ValerieMarch 25, 2010 at 11:35 PM

    I love this! Definitely hooked.

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  14. Jodi MeadowsMarch 26, 2010 at 6:13 AM

    I believe I'm hooked.

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  15. IrisMarch 26, 2010 at 7:21 AM

    Hooked.

    But yeah, harmlessly is not really helping for me. Another word or just deleting it will be better, methinks.

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  16. Theresa MilsteinMarch 26, 2010 at 8:46 AM

    I agree in this anti-adverb environment, harmlessly would be the kiss of death. And I agree that it doesn't add anything.

    You raise good questions. Does the narrator/protagonist know who wrote it? Who wrote it? Why? Good beginning.

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  17. V.R. LeavittMarch 26, 2010 at 12:06 PM

    Good hook, but the 'harmlessly' threw me. Would keep reading.

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  18. ChristineMarch 26, 2010 at 1:07 PM

    I love it!

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  19. Lucy WoodhullMarch 26, 2010 at 1:47 PM

    I liked this and I like harmlessly. The sentence would mean something different without it. I say think about which way serves the STORY best and go with that. Good luck!

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  20. MercMarch 26, 2010 at 4:00 PM

    Hooked. :)

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  21. Cheryl SMarch 27, 2010 at 8:29 PM

    Intrigued

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  22. Kelsey (Dominique) RidgeMarch 28, 2010 at 1:33 PM

    I'm interested, but not hooked.

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