Miss Snark's First Victim
Hooked.
Hooked. Love the idea of the moon calling the character.
The second sentence read a bit awk, IMO.
I really like the first sentence, and I'm hooked so far, but the starting in bed (presumably asleep) seems like a slow start to action.
FANTASTIC! I love it. I'd keep reading. Beautiful start.
I think this is my very favorite of any that I've read here. Good job! I hope you publish it and I can read this book someday.
I guess I'm going against the flow, because this didn't grab me at all.
I like the moon calling, but I'm not overly moved. Twenty five words isn't much to go on, though.
The moon called. I though werewolf, and didn't know whether I wanted to know more. Now if he were in a trap ???
Hooked. I think a lot of that has to do with the Japanese name too.
So far so good.
Wasn't terribly fond of the second sentence, but I like the first and I'd read on.
The second sentence was a bit awkward but since you lead with "the moon was calling him again," I'm willing to let that go.
Hey, school-of-tyrannus - this is your entry, right?!? :-)
I like it...it flowed. The very lasat part (lay in the room), I'm not as sure about, but I love the first line!
I didn't like the 'only a moment' part. It jarred with the rest of the section for me. Perhaps it would read better if it related to the blackness rather than the duration of time he lay there
Loved the first sentence. The 2nd killed it.
Very pretty. I'd read more.
Hooked.
ReplyDeleteHooked. Love the idea of the moon calling the character.
ReplyDeleteThe second sentence read a bit awk, IMO.
ReplyDeleteI really like the first sentence, and I'm hooked so far, but the starting in bed (presumably asleep) seems like a slow start to action.
ReplyDeleteFANTASTIC! I love it. I'd keep reading. Beautiful start.
ReplyDeleteI think this is my very favorite of any that I've read here. Good job! I hope you publish it and I can read this book someday.
ReplyDeleteI guess I'm going against the flow, because this didn't grab me at all.
ReplyDeleteI like the moon calling, but I'm not overly moved. Twenty five words isn't much to go on, though.
ReplyDeleteThe moon called. I though werewolf, and didn't know whether I wanted to know more. Now if he were in a trap ???
ReplyDeleteHooked. I think a lot of that has to do with the Japanese name too.
ReplyDeleteSo far so good.
ReplyDeleteWasn't terribly fond of the second sentence, but I like the first and I'd read on.
ReplyDeleteThe second sentence was a bit awkward but since you lead with "the moon was calling him again," I'm willing to let that go.
ReplyDeleteHey, school-of-tyrannus - this is your entry, right?!? :-)
ReplyDeleteI like it...it flowed. The very lasat part (lay in the room), I'm not as sure about, but I love the first line!
ReplyDeleteI didn't like the 'only a moment' part. It jarred with the rest of the section for me. Perhaps it would read better if it related to the blackness rather than the duration of time he lay there
ReplyDeleteLoved the first sentence. The 2nd killed it.
ReplyDeleteVery pretty. I'd read more.
ReplyDelete