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Thursday, March 25, 2010

26 SF Romance

TITLE: QUEEN OF SWORDS
GENRE: Sci-Fi Romance


Ophelia couldn’t find her underwear.

She scowled, her hands on her hips. Against her better judgment, her gaze slid to the man covering the bed.
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22 comments:

  1. angelareneMarch 25, 2010 at 9:38 AM

    Very nice...Hooked!!

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  2. TamiMarch 25, 2010 at 9:42 AM

    Hooked, though the image of a man "covering" a bed was a bit odd. My lips are twitching, wondering what she's going to do about this missing underwear of hers. =]

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  3. MomwomanMarch 25, 2010 at 9:49 AM

    You got me. Love the name.

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  4. Jodi MeadowsMarch 25, 2010 at 9:53 AM

    Kinda hooked. It's mostly a personal thing I guess.

    Also, must be a small bed!

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  5. AnnaMarch 25, 2010 at 9:57 AM

    The title would get me picking up the book for sure. The lack of underwear made me *snerk* internally, and I'd probably keep reading.

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  6. Juli Page MorganMarch 25, 2010 at 10:16 AM

    That first line's a keeper! Dunno about the man "covering" the bed. Maybe sprawled across? I know, more than 25 words. But the first line would keep me going to see what happened.

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  7. fairchildMarch 25, 2010 at 10:18 AM

    Agree about "covering." Doesn't seem right.

    It was funny, so I'd read on.

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  8. Amber / Obsidian DragonMarch 25, 2010 at 10:38 AM

    Much like the others: the first line made me snerk, in a good way. I love it. I think that the second part could use some tweaking. If you want to evoke the image of the man spralwed across the bed, perhaps compare him to a cat...or a dog...everyone knows how they magically expand to take up all available space, right? :D

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  9. Cate KariaxiMarch 25, 2010 at 10:56 AM

    Semi-hooked <- Not usually my thing, but I did smile when I read this. :)

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  10. LaurieMarch 25, 2010 at 11:03 AM

    The missing underwear did it for me. I'd keep reading.

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  11. SelestialMarch 25, 2010 at 11:08 AM

    I have the pleasure of being a beta on this piece. As I said when I read it originally, that first line hooked me :)

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  12. ChrisBMarch 25, 2010 at 11:40 AM

    Yeah. The first line gets my inner voyeur's attention. I'd probably give you the first page to do something with that.

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  13. Sandra Ulbrich AlmazanMarch 25, 2010 at 12:31 PM

    Love the first line. The scowling with hands on hips seems a bit cliche to me, however. I agree that "covering" sounds odd.

    I'd read on a little longer to see where this leads.

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  14. Jessica BrockmoleMarch 25, 2010 at 1:22 PM

    Love the first sentence. Hooked!

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  15. BarbaraMarch 25, 2010 at 1:26 PM

    Yeah, the missing underwear is definitely a hook, but the second parg. takes away from it.

    Scowling, hands on hips is cliche, as someone else said. The man covering the bed-sprawled across would work better. And why is it against her better judgement to look at him? Will something terrible happen if she does? Wasn't she just sleeping with him?. Too many gaffs in the second parg make me lose confidence in what's to come. Definitely rethink it.

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  16. falconesseMarch 25, 2010 at 1:59 PM

    Hooked. I like the voice of it. I do agree with needing a different word than 'covering,' but I like the tone of it!

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  17. Carolyn Chambers ClarkMarch 25, 2010 at 2:09 PM

    Like the title and first sentence. You only have 20 words, if I counted right, so you have room to say sprawled across the bed, or snored on the bed, or sprawled naked across the bed.

    Hooked...

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  18. samsevernMarch 25, 2010 at 3:30 PM

    HOOKED!!! Oh hell YEAH!!
    N' I loved that first sentence! ㋡

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  19. ValerieMarch 25, 2010 at 4:25 PM

    Hooked!

    I agree with the other suggestions for something other than 'covering,' but it's a small nitpick for me. I'd read on. :)

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  20. AislinnMarch 25, 2010 at 8:02 PM

    Hooked, but I'm sure you can find something more descriptive than "covering."

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  21. ChristiMarch 25, 2010 at 10:42 PM

    Hooked.
    And laughing.

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  22. MercMarch 26, 2010 at 10:13 PM

    Heh--it amused me, I'd read on.

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