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Thursday, March 25, 2010

29 YA Dystopian

TITLE: Untitled
GENRE: Young adult dystopian


“Seth Tucker to the principal’s office.”

Seth winced at the sound of the crackly voice; the intercom system had to be as old as Apple.
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17 comments:

  1. MomwomanMarch 25, 2010 at 9:36 AM

    Yes. Not intensly hooked, but not I'd read on.

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  2. Jodi MeadowsMarch 25, 2010 at 9:58 AM

    Alas! Apple, don't leave us!

    Okay, kind of hooked. Mostly sad about my iMac's future.

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  3. Meghan S.March 25, 2010 at 10:14 AM

    cute, but not totally hooked

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  4. fairchildMarch 25, 2010 at 10:22 AM

    "As old as Apple." Ha!

    Okay, I'd read on.

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  5. Cate KariaxiMarch 25, 2010 at 11:06 AM

    Not immediately hooked... but I'd read on a little further to judge.

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  6. SelestialMarch 25, 2010 at 11:12 AM

    I too laughed at the Apple line. I'm not really hooked, but I'd give it a little more of a chance.

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  7. StinaMarch 25, 2010 at 11:37 AM

    Not hooked.

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  8. Chantal KirklandMarch 25, 2010 at 11:57 AM

    Meh. It's ok. I never start with dailogue, but this seems ok. I might just jump to the wince...but this works. I'd read more, but I'd want it to pick-up fast.

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  9. KateeMarch 25, 2010 at 12:16 PM

    Probably a personal thing, but the reference to Apple threw me off. I might read the first page, but not much more.

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  10. BarbaraMarch 25, 2010 at 1:41 PM

    The Apple line was cute, but not hooked. A kid is being called to the principal's office.

    Maybe start with him in the office so we know immediately what the problem is?

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  11. AnassaMarch 25, 2010 at 3:21 PM

    Not grabbed. Too mundane of an opening, I think.

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  12. samsevernMarch 25, 2010 at 4:04 PM

    Not hooked. I do LOVE the opening sentence — hearing that'd send a chill up ANYONE'S spine! ㋡

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  13. AnonymousMarch 25, 2010 at 4:21 PM

    Maybe. Like the reference to Apple--shows that something so cool now isn't in this world.

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  14. Katharina GerlachMarch 26, 2010 at 3:56 AM

    I wondered why he was more worried about the intercom system than about being called to the principal. Semi-hooked.

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  15. Elizabeth LundMarch 26, 2010 at 8:08 PM

    I think this would be improved if you took out the opening line and included it in the second one so we don't start with a line of dialogue.

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  16. MercMarch 26, 2010 at 10:11 PM

    LOL! I'd read on for the Apple reference.

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  17. LylaMarch 31, 2010 at 6:17 PM

    it's not knocking me off my feet or anything, but honestly how many openers do? It's solid, I'd read on, although I admit I didn't get the Apple thing until I read the comments.

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