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Thursday, March 25, 2010

8 Paranormal Romance

TITLE: Keeper
GENRE: Paranormal Romance



He was watching me that whole day, the entire time we were moving out of our house. I didn't know. But then, nobody ever does.
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18 comments:

  1. angelareneMarch 25, 2010 at 9:20 AM

    I'd flip flop the 1st sentence to fix the flow and I'm a little hooked..

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  2. WalterMarch 25, 2010 at 9:22 AM

    Hooked.

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  3. Jodi MeadowsMarch 25, 2010 at 9:26 AM

    I like the idea more than I like the writing. I'd read a little more to see if the writing settled.

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  4. fairchildMarch 25, 2010 at 9:37 AM

    Hooked. Seems appropriate for the genre, to me.

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  5. Juli Page MorganMarch 25, 2010 at 9:43 AM

    I'm hooked, and it was the last sentence that did it.

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  6. Cate KariaxiMarch 25, 2010 at 9:49 AM

    I'm not entirely hooked yet.... I think the problem here was the forced tightness because of length. I don't know if she/he meant that nobody ever knows about the watcher or nobody ever watches the protagonist.

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  7. Deb SmytheMarch 25, 2010 at 9:52 AM

    Intrigued. I'd read on.

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  8. ClaireMarch 25, 2010 at 10:11 AM

    I was about to say 'not hooked' then I couldn't figure out why I wasn't hooked. So, I'd have to give it a few more paragraphs to actually determine if I was hooked or not.

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  9. MomwomanMarch 25, 2010 at 10:17 AM

    Pretty hooked. I'm worried about what's going to happen.

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  10. Kristi FaithMarch 25, 2010 at 11:03 AM

    eh, I agree that it doesn't seem important if he's always watching people.

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  11. mbk3March 25, 2010 at 11:14 AM

    Kinda there. Watch out for the was/were VERB-ing giving way to passive voice. Try to use VERB-ed instead whenever possible. This gives me the feel that this guy watched the MC in a way that no one could know he watched her. Hmmm.

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  12. BarbaraMarch 25, 2010 at 11:48 AM

    I liked the first sentence. That was hooky. The second and third were too vague and turned me off. What didn't she know? If I knew, I might've read more.

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  13. Vicki RochoMarch 25, 2010 at 1:46 PM

    The wording is a little awkward, but I like where I think this is going. Semi-hooked.

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  14. Ash. ElizabethMarch 25, 2010 at 1:53 PM

    not hooked. the writing doesn't flow right.

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  15. The Girl Next DoorMarch 25, 2010 at 3:47 PM

    Thanks for the great feedback. Catherine K. was right. I had to take out a few words to hit the 25 maximum and it messed with the flow. Thanks for the input everyone!

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  16. melody colleenMarch 25, 2010 at 4:31 PM

    I'm pretty much hooked with this one. But it sounds more like a thriller than a romance.

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  17. rheaMarch 25, 2010 at 6:31 PM

    The story sounds like it would be interesting, but this snippet is all backstory. Not hooked.

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  18. MercMarch 26, 2010 at 10:27 PM

    Almost--the writing feels like it's lacking something, although I'm intrigued by what's going on.

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